


Unknown Number

by CRenatta234



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood and Injury, Canon Compliant, Creepy, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heartbreak, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Injury Recovery, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung & Lee Taeyong Are Best Friends, Lee Taeyong & Nakamoto Yuta Are Best Friends, Lee Taeyong Needs a Hug, Lee Taeyong-centric, Major Character Injury, Mentioned NCT Dream Ensemble, Mentioned SuperM Ensemble, Mentioned WayV Ensemble, Minor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Minor Lee Taeyong/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, OT21 (NCT), Obsession, Panic Attacks, Protective Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Psychological Trauma, Sad Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Sad and Sweet, Sasaeng Fan(s), Secret Crush, Stalker, Stalking, Stressed Lee Taeyong, Suh Youngho | Johnny is a Good Friend, Tragedy, Unrequited Love, too many tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:20:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24149596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CRenatta234/pseuds/CRenatta234
Summary: Taeyong let out a frustrated sigh, knowing very well who the message is likely from. Just when he thinks that finally his day will become better, the universe chose to throw some shit into his life again.He didn’t even bother to open the message; his thumb quickly swipes down the setting and he chose the ‘Block This Number’ option without batting an eye. The messages disappear from his chat thread and Taeyong let out another sigh.He suddenly feels more tired than he actually is.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun & Lee Taeyong, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Kim Jungwoo & Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Lee Taeyong, Lee Taeyong & Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Lee Taeyong & Moon Taeil, Lee Taeyong & Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Taeyong/Everyone, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Mark Lee & Lee Taeyong
Comments: 162
Kudos: 587





	1. Chapter 1 - The Breeze

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this is what happens when my mind can't stop thinking about NCT fanfic. Un-betaed so please go easy on me if you found any grammatical error :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never understimate a breeze. It can signify a good weather up ahead, but it can also warns you about the upcoming storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story take place around Kick-It comeback preparation, and NCT has 3 Managers (I made them because I don't know their names), which are : Youngjae, Insoon (127 managers) and Jungsu (Dream manager). Proceed the story with this information 😉
> 
> Enjoy~ 💚

* * *

_[unknown number] 9:47 AM_   
_Hello_

_[unknown number] 9:47 AM_   
_I’m a big fan of yours_

_[unknown number] 9:48 AM_   
_I hope you have a great day, Taeyong-ssi_

* * *

Taeyong was having a bad day.

He woke up wrongly this morning, he added too much water in his morning coffee which resulted in the taste was as bland as tap water, he spilled his shampoo when he was showering, and he just has this feeling that the list will go on all day. 

It’s late winter now in Korea and while Taeyong usually likes the weather, today was unusually colder than previous days. Taeyong bought his hands toward his mouth to breathe hot air into the freezing skin; the jacket he chose this morning did nothing to warm his body. He was on his way to the company’s building, having an appointment with the production team regarding some of the tracks in their upcoming comeback.

“Morning.” Taeyong greeted the men inside the studio. He got various replies from the crew production as the idol placed his bag into the cushion and made himself comfortable in one of the vacant chairs. The lead producer talked about reviewing some of their previous recordings and adding ad-libs to the song while also doing some mixing if possible; Taeyong agreed to both.

And so he began to work.

People said when you are doing something you love; something you’re passionate about, you will get lost in time. Well, that’s true; the moment they finally finished doing their tasks, it was already past noon. The team took a quick coffee and snacks, brought by one of the managers, and reviewing their work today.

The song sounds _amazing_.

“Phew- that was one hell of a song. Good work, as usual, Taeyong-ah.” The song engineer complimented the idol with a clasp on his shoulder.

“Thanks, hyung. I think the boys did a really good job in recording. They improved so much, I’m a happy parent.” Taeyong replied, leaning back into his swivel chair. “My ad-libs are one point, but maybe we should contact the boys again to get their input for the vocal ad-libs?”

“Yeah, we need more harmonization for the last chorus, you have names in mind?”

“Yup. Their voice will be the perfect match. Youngjae-hyung, can you arrange Haechan, Doyoung-ie, and Taeil-hyung for an additional recording session?” Taeyong tilted his head to face his manager who’s standing behind him. The said man took out his phone and busied himself with it.

“Doyoung and Taeil would be no problem this week. But I think Hyuck has some dance session with the Dream, I will have to contact Jungsu first.” He said, pocketing the device back into his jacket.

“Sweet. We will do some mixing after lunch break. Take some rest, boi.” The music engineer said while munching his glazed donut.

“Will do,” Taeyong answered with an amused chuckle.

They took a long break after that. Some of the crew went out of the studio to grab some food from the cafeteria below, the manager went out to make a schedule for their next week, and Taeyong chooses to remain inside the studio, making himself comfortable in the soft couch.

The idol took out his phone. He just realized he never touch his phone since morning. He unlocked the device and met with some unread messages. He scrolled through the message apps; 112 unread chats from _127Squad_ , Taeyong sighed when he saw most of them were Johnny and Mark’s banter.

He checked the next unread messages, 15 unread messages from _Doyocchi_ ❤; the vocalist was asking if Taeyong want something specific for dinner, Taeyong replied a quick ‘ _Chinese is fine_ ’ before checking the last unread message. And he frowned at that.

_Unknown number_

Taeyong let out a frustrated sigh, knowing very well who the message was likely from. Just when he thought that finally, his day will become better, the universe chose that exact time to throw some shit into his life again.

He didn’t even bother to open the message; his thumb quickly swipes down the setting and he chose the ‘ _Block This Number_ ’ option without batting an eye. The messages disappear from his chat thread and Taeyong let out another sigh.

  
He suddenly feels more tired than he actually is.

* * *

_[unknown number] 8:13 AM_   
_Good morning, Taeyong-ssi._

_[unknown number] 8:13 AM_   
_I hope you have another wonderful day today._

_[unknown number] 8:14 AM_   
_I’m not sure if you read this message, but I hope you do._

* * *

  
The next day was fairly normal.

Taeyong went to the studio, worked on some tracks, ate lunch with Haechan and Jungwoo, and then gathered in the dance studio to practice the comeback song choreography.

The dance practice went smoothly too. The boys did little-to-no mistake and they managed to perfect their synchronization to their choreographer standard. They got to finish early and the managers gave them free time until the time to go back to the dorm; so the members chose to lazy around inside their spacious dance practice room.

“Should we do Vlive?” Mark asked their manager. The Canadian boy was sitting with his back leaning toward the large mirror. Beside him was Haechan, playing some arcade game on his phone, with Jungwoo watching him play with enthusiasts.

“Vlive isn’t a bad idea. Try not to spoil anything though, I’m talking to you, Donghyuck.” Their manager gave the excited rapper the company’s phone, where their Vlive account is, his eyes flaring dagger to the giggling maknae who has the gut to glare back to the manager with mischief in his eyes.

“I’m not promising anything, hyung.” said the maknae with a teasing grin.

The manager sighed in defeat. “Do as you like, but make sure your phones aren’t present, we don’t want any crazy sasaeng to test out their new-found number on you guys, right?”

“ _Yikes_.” Mark spat in disgust as he set his phone on silent and threw it inside his black backpack.

Unlike the rapper, the maknae took out his phone and his eyes were challenging, “I still hold the record for not getting sasaeng call in _two months_.” Haechan proudly declared, earning whistle from Yuta. 

The members were actually really amazed by the fact that their Maknae _did_ having the least amount of sasaeng calls inside their group, and the youngest refused to tell them _how_.

“Who’s in?” Mark asked the scattered members around him. He got a ‘ _Me!_ ’ from Johnny and Taeil, a quite hand-raising from Yuta, Doyoung, and Jaehyun. Jungwoo still on his hiatus-status, so the manager prohibits him to appear in the Vlive. He ended up going out from the practice room for a quick session with his physiatrist, he told them the kind doctor was teaching him how to deal with panic attacks. The rest of them cheered on him, fully supporting his recovery.

“How about you, Taeyong-hyung? You don’t appear much in Vlive these days.” Mark called out their leader, who was chatting casually with their choreographer.

“Go ahead without me,” Taeyong said, pausing his conversation and flash a quick smile to the other members on the other side of the practice room.

“Okay, just come here if you want to join, hyung!” Mark said again.

Taeyong turned his attention back to the choreographer beside him; they are talking about what kind of improvement they can add to their dance. Taeyong suggested a rather risky move for the section after the dance break, and they are discussing whether it is worth trying or not. He vaguely hears the boys greeted loudly into the camera, their Vlive is starting then.

“I think it’s worth trying. But is it okay with you? If we do this, you will have your knee step on during all the live performances…” Koosung, their main choreographer, asked carefully after considering the suggestion. They move a bit toward the side, not wanting to appear inside the frame of the Vlive streaming.

“Give me some credit, hyung… My knee will be able to handle it.” Taeyong playfully whined, tugging at the shorter male’s sleeve, earning a light chuckle from the dancer.

“This boi is pretty strong.” Taeyong patted his right knee.

“Alright then, we will discuss this with the boys in our next dance practice, how’s that sound?”

“Perfect.”

Unbeknownst to them, they still can be seen from the reflection of the mirrors surrounding them.

Taeyong then feels his phones vibrated inside his sweatpants pocket. He ignored it, thinking it was probably some spam messages or advertisement.

* * *

  
_[unknown number] 9:21 PM_   
_Why didn’t you join the Vlive?_

_[unknown number] 9:22 PM_   
_I miss hearing your voice_

_[unknown number] 9:22 PM_   
_But I see you dressed up nicely as usual_

_[unknown number] 9:23 PM_   
_Looking forward to the comeback_

* * *

The Vlive ended up after 32 minutes interacting with their fans and Haechan tried to spoil the choreography with the amazing count of 12 times spoiler-attempt. They are laughing and joking around, the mood around the dance studio was really positive. Taeyong appeared for a mere seconds before they ended the live; waving his hand cheerfully.

“Ya, who’s the one getting the next mention party?” Taeil asked as he’s playing with Haechan’s hair.

“isn’t it Doyoungie? Mine was set after the comeback…” Johnny answered from his right, sipping into his latte.

“Huh? My turn is just before you, hyung"

“Insoon-hyung! Wait, where is Insoon-hyung?” Johnny called for their manager but realized the older man was nowhere to be seen inside their practice room.

“Insoon-hyung got called by the promotion team but don’t worry, I have the schedule copy on my memo,” Taeyong said as he took out his phone, typing his pin quickly and frowned slightly when he noticed the notification.

Taeyong was careful with his expression, but Doyoung notice the change of mood right away, “Something wrong, hyung?”

Taeyong sighed, he wanted to keep this from the others but maybe he didn’t have to, “I think my number is busted.”

That earned some disapproval sounds from his bandmates, feeling emphatic.

“Damn, do you need to change your number?” Yuta asked in an annoyed tone, Taeyong shrugged, he knows that the Japanese man really loathes sasaeng behavior. He remembered that one time when his fellow 95line friend created a rather nasty scandal of flipping off their stalker and sasaeng fans, and some k-netz pointed him of having ‘ _bad manners_ ’. Taeyong knew better than testing the Japanese man’s patience; Yuta will not hesitate to give you the finger if you piss him off.

He wanted to laugh at the memory, he couldn’t believe that some people out there tried to defend some crazy fans who were invading their privacy.

“This is already my fifth number…” Taeyong pouted, his thumb once again pressing the ‘ _Blocked_ ’ option, watching the message disappear.

Frequently changing your number created inconvenience even when the newest mobile software update providing facility to ease up the transfer; he still has to recover all his data, memorizing his new number, and telling his new number to important people who may not have saved his previous number.

“Change your number if it gets worse,” Doyoung said from his left, eyes boring into his mobile screen as if wants to take a peek of the sasaeng’s message, too bad Taeyong had already deleted it.

Taeyong nodded, but can’t help but shiver at the thought,

_If it gets worse, huh?_

_Can it get any worse than this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo that's it for the first chapter!
> 
> It's a bit short because this is just an appetizer, don't worry the next chapter will be longer than this ^^
> 
> And maybe some of you noticed, but yes, this story take place at late 2019 :)


	2. Chapter 2 - The Calm Before Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt that.
> 
> The same feeling as yesterday.
> 
> The same feeling of being watched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, this chapter is longer than the previous one. Enjoy :))

* * *

_[unknown number] 9:13 AM_   
_Hey_

_[unknown number] 9:13 AM_   
_Did you dye your hair again? I love your dark hair but the blonde suits you just fine._

_[unknown number] 9:14 AM_   
_The new hair is for the comeback, right?_

_[unknown number] 9:14 AM_   
_I can't wait_

* * *

Comeback preparation was always exhausting.

They had around a week and a half left before their scheduled comeback; The members were getting restless. They practiced, and practiced, and _practiced_ until they perfectly nailed the choreography and stage handling.

Taeyong went to his usual hair salon this morning, got into his private room customized for VIP customer right after he entered the facility. The hairdresser worked quickly and neatly, applying hair masks and vitamins as a treatment procedure before actually dyed his hair. The kind woman started a light conversation, chit-chatting with him. Taeyong let out a soft laugh when the staff commented on how amazed she was at Taeyong's strong scalp, surviving _years_ of dye poisoning, and bleach. Taeyong shrugged it off, replying with a simple _'Maybe I was born with that'_.

This salon is his favorite. He found this salon during the cherry bomb era and he always does his hair here since then. He knows almost every worker here, all of them signed a legal document where they will swear to keep his privacy and until now there is no leak and Taeyong was forever grateful for their professionalism.

There were no problems during his time inside the salon, but when he stepped out from the large building _then_ he felt something crawling inside his guts. He glanced around, feeling paranoid. It was 9 in the morning and the street was not as busy as usual. Taeyong tugged his bucket hat down to hide his face more and fixed his mask so that the only portion of his face visible is only his eyes.

The walk toward his transport was only a few feet away from the building, but Taeyong felt so _unsafe_ he’s all but ran to the black van. He didn’t see anybody on his way, but he just _knew_ that someone was watching him. He grew to trust his instinct after being an idol for 4 years with notorious crazy fans on his tail.

He slammed the van door shut, ignoring the questioned looks his driver gave and asked him to drive him back to the safety of his dorm.

* * *

Back in the dorm, Taeyong splashed cold water into his face. He was standing in front of the large mirror inside the bathroom, hand ruffling the newly-dyed strands; he dyed it to a lighter tone of ash blond. He proceeds to do his skin-routine and when he was done, he stepped out from the bathroom with a towel hanging around his neck.

“Oh, you’re back.”

Taeyong turned his face toward the voice source and saw Doyoung sitting down on their dark leather sofa.

“Yeah, just got here a couple minutes ago. Where’s the other?” He asked, hanging the towel on the laundry rack beside the window.

“Johnny-hyung is taking his daily dose of americano with Jaehyun. Haechan I believe should be in Dreamies dorm. Insoon-hyung and Youngjae-hyung are at the company.” The younger answered, eyes went back to the TV in the living room.

“Hmm.” Taeyong hummed, then he took a seat beside the vocalist. Doyoung passed him a bowl of sliced apples, which Taeyong accepted it gratefully. They watched the TV for a moment, wrapped in comfortable silence.

Taeyong always likes Doyoung’s company. Maybe it was because of the younger's cologne choice, or his expensive lotion, or maybe it's his natural scent, but Doyoung's presence is always comforting.

He felt _safe_.

So Taeyong closed his eyes, leaned toward the younger man’s side, trying to erase all the tension from this morning. The fresh scent gradually dissolving his stress away.

“What’s wrong, hyung?” Doyoung, noticing his tensed shoulder, quickly grab the remote and turned the volume down. He shifted slightly; arms carefully wrapped around his shoulder.

Taeyong wanted to tell him. He really did, but some part of him debate against it. It could be only just his stress and anxiety pilling up inside his tired mind. He didn’t want to add another burden to the young vocalist, as the man was already stressed enough by the comeback preparation.

He took his time to answer the question. “No, it just-“ he paused when he felt his phone vibrated. He took the device, glanced at the notification, and sighed tiredly.

“I’m getting tired of this.” He said, while his thumb goes on autopilot to block the number.

“Is that the sasaeng from before?” Doyoung caught up quickly with the situation.

“I think so. They are so persistent and it doesn’t matter that I blocked all of their numbers, I keep getting new messages the next day.” He threw the phone into their coffee table, sagging back into Doyoung’s chest again, his eyes closed. 

“Will you tell the agency?” Doyoung quietly asked, which got a low grunt from the leader, “I don’t think that's a good idea; the process to take legal action against this kind of fans is really long. Besides, we’re nearing our comeback, let’s not make any scene.”

“But hyung-“

“No, doyoung-ie. This fan is annoying, _yes_ , but they didn’t make any move to me physically. This is just another day in our idol life, handling obsessed fan. I can just report and block their number whenever they message me.” Taeyong said firmly, prying one of his eyes open to give the younger a stern gaze.

Doyoung didn’t say anything in return, but Taeyong could tell that he didn’t extinguish any of the fire inside the younger man, it’s visible inside the main vocalist eyes. They didn’t resume the topic, which Taeyong was thankful for, and they easily slip into the comfortable condition they were before the talk, just with a _tinge_ of awkwardness.

That night, Taeyong didn’t sleep well.

* * *

And guess what, Taeyong also had the worst morning the next day. What a perfect combination.

He didn’t get any sleep at all. He thrashed around his bed throughout the night without being able to succumbed his hectic mind to sleep; He had been thinking about nothing in particular, just his brain refusing to rest for a while. The idol groaned, rolled to his stomach, face planted to the pillow.

He considered taking a cold shower to somehow freshen up but his body was ignoring all his brain’s command. So, the leader opted to remains motionless on his bed for a couple of hours. That’s it, until a certain Seo Johnny came hurling toward his room.

“Taeyong-ah! Wait- you’re still sleeping?”

“Good morning to you, too,” Taeyong said, voiced muffled by the pillow. He just then recalled his promise to the Chicago man a few days ago; that he will go shopping with the man.

Taeyong groaned again. The leader pushed his tiredness aside and forced a smile, trying so hard to make it looked genuine, by the raise of brow Johnny gave him, he didn’t do a really good job at that.

Taeyong like shopping with his 95line friends, he really do, Yuta buys as much as him, while Johnny is more selective than the other two. But the thought of getting out and _open_ while the information that _someone out there_ is having an unhealthy obsession toward him is rather unsettling.

“You okay? Doyoung is worried.” Johnny asked with a soft tone. Taeyong _hated_ that tone; the tone Johnny used when he is worried and anxious about something. and Taeyong didn’t like that he is the reason Johnny used that tone.

“I’ll live. What time is it?” he said curtly.

“15 minutes before 10. You still up for the shopping plan?” the older man asked while softly stroking Taeyong’s dyed hair. That action was dangerous; it was making Taeyong sleepy. If he knew about this sooner, he should have asked Johnny to stroke his hair just the night before, so that he can fall asleep.

But now he had a promise to fulfilled. So, sleep is not an option. “I’m good. Just let me wash my face for a sec.”

After making himself looked presentable; he donned a black sweater with dark grey trouser, they departed with the manager's car. The mall was busy since it was weekend, crowded with people minding their own business.

As expected, Taeyong was the one who buys a lot even when the main reason for them inside the shopping center was for Johnny to look for a new cap and jeans. The man got them at first-go inside a huge brand clothes store on the first floor, but now they were wandering through the 4th floor, Taeyong trying new clothes here and there.

Johnny suggested to grab lunch but Taeyong refused, wanting to shop awhile more.

Johnny chuckled when Taeyong found a certain white oversized tee on display that caught his attention, the leader made a beeline toward the clothes store right away after he saw the piece of garment on the mannequin outside the store. The older man following quietly behind, hands full of paper bags -mostly Taeyong's.

What he didn't know was that a figure was following each of their steps inside the spacious place.

* * *

_[unknown number] 10:15 PM_   
_You go shopping with Johnny?_

_[unknown number] 12:34 PM_   
_I think the white one looks better than the black_

_[unknown number] 12:35 PM_   
_Have you eaten lunch yet?_

_[unknown number] 12:35 PM_   
_Don’t skip meal, I don’t want you to get sick, Taeyong-ah_

* * *

“Johnny, what do you think of this?” Taeyong asked, presenting a black torn sweatshirt with gold accent on its neck.

“Oh, this is actually looking pretty nice,” Johnny admitted, shifting the paper bags into one hand.

“This came with two color versions, which one looks better?” Taeyong asked again, pulling out the same modeled clothes, but white.

Johnny made a low _humming_ sound as he thought about the option. Well, he was sure that Taeyong can absolutely pull _both_ of them, but the other man persisted he only want to get one. “I like the black one better.” He finally said.

Taeyong smiled, actually liking the older man’s opinion. “Right? I think so too, my pale skin will look better with dark color.”

“The gold will stand out more in the black one,” Johnny added. Taeyong hummed in agreement, before tossing the clothes into the shopping bag. The bag was currently containing various types of clothes; jeans, hoodie, and shirts with 4 different colors. Johnny snickered when he saw the increasing contents; he knew that Taeyong was a shopaholic, the man sure bought _a lot_. They even mentioned it in one of their radio appearances. Johnny found it endearing. 

After wandering around the shop one more time, the idols then proceed to pay for their- _actually only Taeyong’s_ \- clothes.

Taeyong was taking out his card from his wallet when felt his phone vibrates, he ignored that.

When the payment was done, Johnny took the paper bags from the counter and they went out of the store.

They were on their way to the food center of the mall when they passed a shoe store. The latest model was on display. Taeyong stopped, “Is that the model Haechan talked about?” he nudged Johnny with his elbow. The brunette paused and saw the fancy shoes, “Oh it is. It’s out already?”

“Apparently so. Wait, let me send him a picture.” The leader took out his phone, about to press into the camera button when he noticed something.

“Shit, they really are persistent,” Taeyong said in irritation, blocking _yet_ another Unknown number when the notification shows the ID.

_Unknown Number_

Again.

“What, is that the same sasaeng as before?” Johnny asked, leaning in closer to see the notification on Taeyong’s screen.

“I think so.” Taeyong huffed, proceeding to open the camera function of the phone he intended to use in the first place. He quickly snapped a picture of the said shoes and sent them to the group's maknae.

Then he felt _that._

The same feeling as yesterday.

The same feeling of _being watched_.

Taeyong turned his head sharply, frantically looking around him. The increase of people passing by around them build up the fear inside him. He fidgeted, pulling down his checkered bucket hat more. Cold sweat started to form on his temple. He did catch the sight of some teenage girls with their phones up -probably taking a picture of them- but _no,_ it’s not them. The girls didn’t radiate _vile_ energy, it was something else, _someone else_ , but Taeyong couldn’t see other people paying attention to them beside the fangirls.

“Tae? What’s wrong?” Johnny was alarmed at the leader's sudden change. The Chicago man noticed the same group of girls, and he clicked his tongue before positioning himself blocking Taeyong from the attack of the girls’ camera shutter. Taeyong appreciated the gesture but he wanted to scream to his friend that _It’s not them, It was someone else_.

The sentences got caught in his throat.

“Time’s up?” Johnny asked, glancing toward the growing crowds.

“Y-yeah… let’s go back.” Taeyong immediately agreed on the idea, fidgeting on his spot. Johnny could tell how uncomfortable Taeyong was currently feeling at the moment, so they moved quickly into the parking slot, and hastily returned to their dorm.

During the drive, Johnny let his mind wondered; he was actually a bit confused. Being an idol with 4 years - _and more_ if we counted their rookies time- their body slowly adapting with the harsh nature of the entertainment world; the _Icky_ world wrapped in satin. By now, they can stand unbothered even when there are tons of camera flashlight blared in front of their eyes, _unblinking_. They became acclimated to camera shutter sound all around them.

They got _used_ to it.

But Taeyong's reaction just now was way too intense. It was only a normal fangirl taking their pictures with their affordable mobile phones; It was nothing new.

The older man frowned, _something is definitely wrong._

Unfortunately, Taeyong brushed off any topic regarding that occurrence, and Johnny can only give up on getting any explanation of that matter.

Then came their long-awaited comeback.

It was quite a successful comeback, if Taeyong could say; _Kick It_ was trending not only in Korea, but worldwide. Their unique genre surprised people in a good way and their interesting concept only boosts up the hype. Their second album: Neo-Zone also doing really well; the sales were good and they ranked high in the charts. The members did admit that they feel particularly satisfied with this comeback, and Taeyong couldn't agree more.

They got busier each day with new schedules and new shows, and the piling up of unread messages on his phone went forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will progressively get better :)
> 
> Comments are greatly welcomed!!
> 
> Ps : also stream Kick-It, Let's get into 50M views before Punch release ( ᕗ • ‿ • )ᕗ


	3. Chapter 3 - The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After that, it was only the cycle of Taeyong blocking infinite unknown numbers and moving on.

_They freaking did it._

They finally win a music show for this comeback. After 2 weeks of struggling, both for them and the fans, they finally win this week's music bank. It’s a great achievement seeing that they were against a very tough opponent; BTS- _sunbaenim_ has a very strong fandom and their score was really _really_ high. They barely win because the senior group's promotion was nearing its end, but still, they were very proud and very happy for the result.

When they knew who their opponent was, they were actually very doubtful that they will be able to win. They had hope, of course, but even their comeback team was also very much accepted if they didn’t manage to win a music show. That’s why when the news broke down that they won, a party was held right away.

The producers, recording teams, and the members found themselves inside one of the most famous BBQ restaurants in the heart of Seoul, and they are celebrating their achievement.

“Today is a special day! It’s our leader’s treat!” Johnny loudly exclaimed, earning a whistle and claps from the group.

The said leader gave a short speech, thanking their hard work, before opening the party with a cheer.

Taeyong was seated between Yuta and their head music engineer, right beside the tall wooden wall of the restaurant. Taeil and Johnny were seated across him. As usual, Taeyong got the role of grilling the meat, he didn’t mind though.

The party went on until late at night.

In the middle of the delight moment, Taeil took notice of the big glass of beer on Taeyong’s grip.

“Wow- You’re drinking?” he asked, voice a little tipsy.

“Yeah, want to blow off some steam,” Taeyong admitted, swirling the beer to make a mini whirlpool inside his alcohol. He didn't drink that often since he has low alcohol tolerance, but today the leader was feeling particularly happy, and he had this strong desire to consume liquor.

Taeyong glanced around the table, noticing the other were already dead drunk; Mark was drunkenly retelling his funny past experience to no one -the boy was literally talking to air- and Taeyong saw that the young rapper had already downed two glass of alcohol even though he is the second weakest drinker in the group beside Taeyong himself. Jaehyun who sits beside the Canadian man zoned out looking high with a giggling Jungwoo clinging to his arm. Yuta somehow ended up near Haechan at the far end of the table; both didn’t seem drunk but they were obviously tipsy.

Doyoung and Johnny were the only ones still clearly sober. Johnny can hold his liquor the best amongst them, while Doyoung intendedly avoiding any form of alcoholic beverages. _‘Y'all will be out of it at the end of this night and someone needs to take care of you guys’_ he said. Well, judging from the current situation presented to him, he was grateful the vocalist did so.

Taeyong finished off his beer, about to get a second when Doyoung’s firm voice cut him. “ _Oh hell no_ , you are only allowed one glass, hyung.” The bottle was snatched away before Taeyong could able to grasp it. The leader pouted, huffing childishly while Johnny and Taeil laughed at him.

Taeyong was starting to feel light-headed, alcohol doing its work, numbing his senses slowly but steadily. But Taeyong wanted _more._ The giddiness he feels was so strong, endorphins overflowing inside him. So when Doyoung didn’t pay attention to him, he snatched a bottle from beside the already asleep music engineer and downed the content secretly. He sighed happily when the liquid burned his throat.

It probably not a good idea at all, but Taeyong didn’t care at the moment.

So he drank more.

And who's he even kidding, it turned out drinking more alcohol than his body could handle is another bad choice Taeyong ever made in his entire life.

Taeyong’s drunk, that for sure.

His third bottle was seized away by a horrified Doyoung, and Taeyong laughed drunkenly at the fuming vocalist. The beer bottles and cans then being cleaned out from Taeyong’s reach, but the leader was so drunk already he didn’t care. He groaned, mind hazy and fuzzy, alcohol running high on his nerve. He was getting sleepy.

He was about to fell asleep when he felt his phones vibrated.

The idol drunkenly checked his phone, his brow furrowed when he saw the unidentified ID.

* * *

_[unknown number] 10:42 PM  
I see you guys having quite a party_

_[unknown number] 10:42 PM  
Congratulation on being the 1st in today music bank_

_[unknown number] 10:42 PM  
Seeing you happy makes me happy too_

[Taeyong] 10:47 PM  
W ho’ss this

_[unknown number] 10:47 PM  
oh my god, you’re drunk_

_[unknown number] 10:47 PM  
You replied to me_

[Taeyong] 10:48 PM  
??? am I n ot suppPosed to

[Taeyong] 10:48 PM  
S hit

* * *

Taeyong was barely able to regain some of his ability to think to realize the grave mistake he just made. He cursed out loud, banging his head to the table, knocking some of the empty cans to toppled over in the process. The rest paid him no mind, probably thinking that it just his drunk-self losing his mind, _but that’s technically correct at the moment._ He mentally questioning his whole existence, wondering if he sinned so greatly in his past life that he keeps getting this chain of misfortunes.

The idol, in his drunken state, couldn’t think of anything to fix the undone mistake. His intoxicated mind then decided to just throw the problem to the one responsible for managing his career. He barely able to walk with wobbly legs to their manager- also still sober- then dropped himself to the empty seat beside him.

“Oh god, you’re drunk. This will not end well.” Manager Youngjae deadpanned when he saw Taeyong’s sorry state. He _tsk-ed_ out loud, and maybe Taeyong could hear the fondness inside the tone if he didn’t dead drunk.

“Answered… sasaeng’s message…” Taeyong somehow managed to form an informative sentence, shoving the cursed device to his manager.

The smile fades almost instantly, replaced with a scowl. The manager looked absolutely _petrified_ , “You what!?” he whisper-screamed, snatched the phone, then began rapidly scrolling his chat thread.

“Didn’t mean… to…” Taeyong groggily defends himself, earning a loud exasperated sigh from the other man. The manager then orated an impressive long lecture - _or nagging_ \- that put any teacher to shame, but Taeyong couldn’t understand any of the man’s speech. The words drummed inside his ears like rapid-fire, but none of them make any sense toward the idol. It was like the manager was talking in a language Taeyong didn’t know; the man looked funny because of that. Taeyong giggled again.

He really needs to sleep.

“How did you get so drunk in the first place- Taeyong? hey, don't fall asleep on me now… Taeyong-“

The last thing he remembers before passing out was the manager's voice calling for Doyoung.

* * *

_[unknown number] 10:48 PM  
you’re drunk-texting, so cute_

_[unknown number] 10:49 PM  
Taeyong-ah?_

_[unknown number] 10:49 PM  
The manager got your phone, huh?_

_[unknown number] 10:49 PM  
Well whatever, this is the best thing that happened in my life_

_[unknown number] 10:50 PM  
Get plenty of rest, and drink a lot of water tomorrow. It'll help the hangover._

_[unknown number] 10:50 PM  
I'm going to sleep too_

_[unknown number] 10:50 PM  
I know that I will have the best sleep after this, I'm so happy right now_

_[unknown number] 10:51 PM  
I will dream about you_

* * *

The next day, Taeyong awoke with a terrible headache and blank memory; he didn’t remember anything after the party. He knew he fucked up when his managers stood at his doorframe looking very much unimpressed. He was having the worst hangover in his entire life but the managers scold him anyway. Both Youngjae-hyung and Insoon-hyung alternately castigated him and Taeyong prayed to all deities he knew that Doyoung won’t join the _Let’s Scold Taeyong_ party. Fortunately, the said man was busy taking care of the others who also had a hangover -everyone except Johnny.

The auntie cooked him a hangover soup, which the leader devoured like a starved man, while Insoon-hyung narrated the cursed incident yesterday.

They bought him a new number after that damned drunk incident but for some reason, that equally damned unidentified ID reappears again on his screen after only 3 days of temporal tranquil.

Taeyong didn’t tell the managers.

After that, it was only the cycle of Taeyong blocking infinite u _nknown numbers_ and moving on.

He tried to hide it, tried to hide his growing anxiety each time he got a new message from an unknown number. But some members, especially Johnny and Doyoung, probably noticed his weird demeanor. They cautiously-but _persistently-_ keep asking what’s troubling him, and Taeyong always told them that _he’s okay and nothing’s wrong_ , but these particular people can read him like an open book, didn’t buy any of his reason.

But Taeyong didn't tell them.

* * *

_[unknown number] 11:59 PM  
You finished work later than usual_

_[unknown number] 11:59 PM  
Are you okay?_

_[unknown number] 00:00 AM  
I know you already eat dinner with Mark but I hope you eat night snack, get a cake, maybe_

_[unknown number] 00:00 AM  
The bakery downtown is still open, they sell delicious sweet potatoes cookies_

* * *

_[unknown number] 06:09 AM  
I dreamt about you yesterday_

_[unknown number] 06:09 AM  
You were smiling and laughing_

_[unknown number] 06:10 AM  
So beautiful_

* * *

_[unknown number] 08:35 PM  
I got fired from my job_

_[unknown number] 08:35 PM  
But that’s okay because now I have more time to spend on you_

* * *

_[unknown number] 00:11 AM  
I can't sleep_

_[unknown number] 00:11 AM  
All I can think about is you_

* * *

_[unknown number] 01:17 AM  
Why is this tremor won’t stop?_

_[unknown number] 01:18 AM  
I keep sweating and shivering, they stop only when I see your face_

_[unknown number] 01:18 AM  
What did you do to me_

* * *

_[unknown number] 10:11 AM  
I need to see you_

_[unknown number] 10:11 AM  
So bad_

_[unknown number] 10:11 AM  
It hurts_

_[unknown number] 10:12 AM  
Watching your face from the screen isn’t enough anymore_

_[unknown number] 10:12 AM  
Looking at your poster and picture doesn’t help anymore_

* * *

_[unknown number] 07:44 PM  
Why didn't you appear much in Vlive?_

_[unknown number] 07:44 PM  
I need to hear your voice_

_[unknown number] 07:44 PM  
I need to see your face_

* * *

_[unknown number] 00:23 AM  
It hurts _

_[unknown number] 00:23 AM  
I think I'm losing my mind_

_[unknown number] 00:24 AM  
It hurts so much_

_[unknown number] 00:24 AM  
Please make it stops_

* * *

_[unknown number] 02:01 AM  
You ruin me_

_[unknown number] 02:01 AM  
You really ruin me_

* * *

_[unknown number] 03:03 AM  
I can’t control it anymore_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's comes next after rain, I wonder...?


	4. Chapter 4 - The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had this presumption, he had this suspicion. He got restless because of them, he got troubled. But he never seen them coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you so much for the support. I never think in my wildest dream that this story will received so much love and support, I am really grateful from the bottom of my heart. It helps me motivated and you can say it acts as a mood booster for me during this current hard time.
> 
> well then, we're getting into the 4th chapter. This one is much longer than the previous three chapter! and I will tell you beforehand that this story takes time around Kick-It promotion (comment below if you noticed the bit of details I add here and there throughout the story ^^) but *cough* a certain situation didn't occur in this storyline (if you know what I mean :D )
> 
> quick notes : 127 dormitories are divided into two different floors; the 5th floor (Johnny, Haechan, Taeyong, Doyoung, and Manager) and the 10th floor (Yuta, Taeil, Jungwoo, Jaehyun, Mark, and Manager)

“Okay boys, as I already told you yesterday, I will be checking on my mother this weekend. Try to stay alive until I returned.” Manager Insoon said after packing his limited belongings into his backpack. He was sitting at the front step, tying his shoelace.

“Finally! A day and two without your nagging inside my room!” Doyoung said with a dramatic tone, as if he just won the lottery.

“Just for your information, you nag twice as much as Insoon-hyung.” Haechan casually remarked, eating a bag of potato chips behind the older vocalist. He got a glare in return, “ _Brat_.”

“Hyuckie stated the truth. I still can’t believe you guys are roommates for a year now.” Johnny added before playfully dodging a mock punch from the angry vocalist.

“Taeyong-ie, I leave the kids to you.” The manager said, not paying any attention to the bickering 3 _supposedly-grown-up_ men behind the leader, who was standing right in front of the manager who just finished tying his other shoelace.

“Got it, hyung. Send my greeting to your mom.” The leader, so used to this kind of behavior, also ignoring the chaos behind him. Instead, smiling toward the said manager.

“Hey! I’m older than Taeyong-ie!”

“Please, we’re the same age, Johnny.”

“Will do, yong. Have a nice weekend.” The manager pats the leader’s head affectionally before making his way out of the 127 dorms.

“What about us Hyung! Talk about favoritism!” Haechan asked, whining on top of his lungs.

“You will have a nice weekend if you just step out from your _god-forsaken_ room and get some sunlight!” the manager yelled as he closed the door in front of the whiny maknae’s face.

“Whatever, boomer!” Haechan yelled back even after the door is closed, but they all can hear distant laughter from the other side of the wall.

After sending the manager off, they got back inside the dorm, situating themselves in their living room. The TV was on, it was playing some popular rom-com series from Netflix. Taeyong, Doyoung, and Haechan watched the series for a couple of minutes before Johnny emerged from his shared room, dressed up in a black tank top and sweatpants.

“Oh, that’s right. You’re working out tonight, right?” Taeyong said, eying the tall man who is now immersed in choosing which cap should he wear.

“Yeah. You wanna join?”

Taeyong is considering the offer; sure, he aimed to build up, gaining more muscle for the comeback, but then he remembers his own gym schedule.

“Nah, I’ll skip.” Another idea popped up inside his mind, “Take Haechan and Doyoung, if you insist.”

“What!? No thanks.” Both of them said in unison. It seems like they didn’t expect that, as the two vocalists then eyed each other in disgust.

Johnny laughed at the two antics, “Come on, It’ll be fun.”

“Ew”

“Ew”

They both gasped and stared again at each other and Taeyong cackled. “What are you two, twins?”

“Excuse me, but I am not appealed at the idea of producing a lot of sweat and getting all my muscle sore tonight,” Doyoung said, crossing his arm and pouted.

“Taeyong-hyung, let’s play Overwatch,” Haechan said, changing the subject.

“No you’re not swaying me, sweetie.” Taeyong chuckled again, amused at how childish the two are. “Go with Johnny, Hyuckie. Think about it as future comeback preparation, hmm?”

“But-“

“Hyuckie.”

"I already-"

" _Hyuckie._ "

They engaged in a fierce eye-staring contest. Taeyong was apparently winning since the maknae’s expression changed first. “Okay fine! But you have to play games with me after I return!” The youngest huffed before dashing into his room to changed his clothes into gym-suited attire.

“Pinky promise.” Taeyong giggled. He turned his eyes toward the other child present in the room, Doyoung was still pouting and not seeing him. “Now what you say, Doyoung-ie?”

“I don't need a workout.”

“Dude, you are clearly on the verge of death during our last dance practice- Ow!” Johhny snorted as he packed some isotonic drinks into his slingback. He yelped in surprise as an arm pillow got thrown into his head.

“Okay, maybe I _did_ need a little workout.”

“Nice. It’s never a bad idea to work out, it also to maintain your health.” Taeyong said while still sniffling laughter. Doyoung was about to retort something but Taeyong cut him off, “I did my menu yesterday, and will be 2 days later.” Doyoung pouted again, face contorting into an adorable angry bunny face, but he still stood up and began changing into other clothes anyway.

“Okay then, if you want us to buy something on our way home, just text me, okay?” Johnny said when they are about to leave.

“Right. Make sure these two kids didn’t slack off on their work out.”

“Sure thing, _leader-nim._ ” Johnny mocked saluted wherein the background a simultaneously yell of _‘Demon!’_ and ‘ _You’re evil, hyung!’_ can be heard. With that, the three men walked away.

Taeyong sighed, grateful for the sudden silence inside their dorm. He turned off the TV, then paced back to his room, taking his phone with him. He considered turning on solo Vlive on their channel, as the company phone was with him since the manager went back home.

His phone vibrated and Taeyong checks the incoming message.

* * *

_[Youngjae-hyung] 10:07 PM  
Hey, you guys in the dorm?_

[Taeyong] 10:07 PM  
Only me. The others are in the gym, why?

_[Youngjae-hyung] 10:08 PM  
My wife made way too many side-dishes. I think she tried to feed the entire Seoul population. I’m thinking of sharing these with you guys._

[Taeyong] 10:08 PM  
That will be sweet. When will you drop by?

_[Youngjae-hyung] 10:08 PM  
Probably a bit later, I’m still in the office right now._

[Taeyong] 10:09 PM  
Kay then, see you hyung.

* * *

After seeing the _‘read’_ marking appearing at the bottom of the chat bubble, Taeyong closed the application and switched to the company’s phone. He quickly typed down the password and went into the Vlive app to start a new stream. He sits down on his gaming chair, placing the phone leaning onto his desktop screen, and then styled his hair a bit as he waited for the application to connect with the internet. The live logo blinked and Taeyong knew that the camera was on.

He greeted their fans, happy to see the number of viewers quadruple each second. He tried to communicate as much as he can with his fans; discussing abundant things, reading fan's comments, answering questions on the comment section, obliging for their request to watch videos recommended by the fans.

He was having great fun. The video of sim- _fied_ Jaehyun doing chores inside the game was hilarious, he laughed out loud during Jungwoo’s aegyo video. He was then frowning in disgust all throughout Doyoung’s aegyo video, before cleansing his eyes with Mark’s and Jaehyun’s awkward attempt at aegyo. When he read a question asking the other member whereabouts, he answered,

“It’s just me right now. The other members are working out. I didn’t join them! _Tee-hee_.” he then went on again, resuming his video reaction binge.

After an hour or so, he glanced toward the digital clock inside his room and it’s showing **23:12** and Taeyong bid his farewell toward his fans who still up to accompany him during the midnight live stream.

When he ended the vlive, he heard quiet footsteps from outside his room. Taeyong, oblivious to the source, thinking it was probably just Youngjae-hyung stopping by to deliver the promised side-dishes. He put the phone down and made his way out of his room.

Just after he exited his room, his phone vibrated.

* * *

_[Youngjae-hyung] 11:12 PM  
Sorry, yong-ie maybe the side-dish will have to wait until tomorrow. _

_[Youngjae-hyung] 11:12 PM  
Some urgent things came by._

* * *

“Youngjae-hyung?”

Taeyong stepped into the dark hallway. His room was located near the entrance door, with Johnny and Haechan’s shared room locating the furthest away from the entrance, Doyoung’s just right beside theirs. Taeyong found the only light powered on was from the living room.

“Youngjae-hyung?”

Taeyong got no replies. He got confused, he was sure he heard someone walking past his door just a couple minutes ago. He walked toward the living room, about to turn a corner “Youngjae-hyung? You said you want to sha-UMPH!”

Strong arms suddenly grabbed him from behind the walls; one gripping his arms tightly and the other clasped around his mouth. The lithe idol then got shoved into the wall, _hard_ , and Taeyong winced when the back of his head made a harsh impact with the hard concrete.

“W-what the fuck-“ he opened his eyes, as he closed them in reflex, and his body turned cold.

A dark pair of orbs was staring right into his eyes.

A _stranger’s_ eyes.

Inside his dorm.

“W-who the h-hell are you!?” Taeyong managed to yell a muffled scream as the intruder further shoved him into the wall, _if possible,_ and Taeyong felt something warm trickling down his neck. Sudden nausea hit him and Taeyong was struck with a great wave of dizziness.

The man holding him had been mumbling something, and Taeyong tried to calm his panic a bit to strain his hearing over the sound of his blood pounding on his skull.

“… _.you ruin me_ …”

When he said that Taeyong is _terrified_ is a great understatement. The man’s eyes were cloudy and so _so_ dark. It’s like the eyes of those who are intoxicated with alcohol worth of cleaning an entire swimming pool. Taeyong concluded in terror that this is probably one of those drunkard-who-crash-into-someone’s-house cases before his ears caught another mumble of the man’s.

“… Lee Taeyong…”

_What the fuck?_

Taeyong should’ve been alarmed by the fact that the intruder _knows_ his name, but his mind can’t proceed anything at the moment.

The man suddenly roared, “YOU FUCKING RUINED ME!” and Taeyong snapped out of his stupor when a sudden rush of adrenaline entered his system. The moment after the man roared, Taeyong bit the hand clasping his mouth, hard enough for it to be bleeding. The man cursed out loud, staggering backward. He did successfully free himself, but he didn’t expect his legs to lose all of their strength as he slid down to the floor with his back toward the wall. The idol bit his lips hard to muster every energy inside his throbbing body.

He stood up and made a run toward the entrance door.

He did manage to get to the front door, but before he was able to turn the doorknob, that strong hand yanked him away from the door. Taeyong tried to push the hand away, not backing down without a fight. But the man moved fast, seizing his hands in a strong lock. The assailant then swift his footing, using his weight to his advantages, pushing the struggling idol toward the wall. Taeyong grunted again when his back collided with the wall. Taeyong, through gritted teeth, suppressed his fear and summoned his last ounces of energy to fight back the man. He managed to barely push the man just a few feet backward, but it appears that the act of rebellion only fueling the fire for his attacker, as the man was now grinning maniacally. 

Taeyong was giving the intruder a hard time -he was sure of that seeing from the shaking hands fighting to hold him still- but then the man grabbed his shoulder, using the momentum of their combined weight and tackled him down to the hard floor. They somehow ended up right in the living room again, with Taeyong writhing and struggling beneath the clearly stronger man.

“…That’s right… Keep struggling… struggle like _I did_ every night…”

Taeyong’s mind yelled at him to _scream_ , to get help, but his brain is so fuzzy and his vision is so blurry right now. The adrenaline from before run dry, and Taeyong was left heaving and weak.

“W-What do you want…” he weakly struggled against the vice-grip hold, asking the question which he himself knew will not get answered. The attacker went still for a moment. Taeyong though that the attacker was contemplating the question, but no, the answer he got is this instead,

“…not fair… you’re still beautiful even like this..”

_What the actual fuck?_

Taeyong was about to put two pieces together inside his chaotic mind, to fucking at least understand who the fuck is the man attacking him after barging inside his dorm when he felt a cold hand caressing his thigh.

_Oh my fucking god_

“No..” the idol thrashed harder, trying to get those hands away from his exposed skin. The man growled, knee pressing down his legs, efficiently pinning down the smaller man with no escape. The other hand moved from his shoulder, tracing his neck up to his jawline, before moving down to rest on his nape.

“N-no no no… d-don’t touch me.” Taeyong blanched, all of this situation shifting toward a scenario Taeyong was too afraid to think about. He violently shook his head, trying to deny whatever was happening. He did not realize that he’s crying; the tears were produced either in frustration or fright, he didn’t know.

But the hands remained where they were.

Worse, the hand on his thigh withdrawn, only for it to push his hoodie a little bit up; cold skin got in contact with Taeyong’s lower abdomen. Taeyong shivered hard, tears streaming down his face.

“I knew it…The pain stopped…”

The hand on his neck moved toward his face, calloused finger brushing off the tears that formed on the corner of his eyes; the motion was supposed to be sweet, but it _will_ be sweet if the person who does the said motion isn’t a _stranger_ , the gesture only produced more tears leaking out from his eyes.

“I knew it… _have_ to see you in person…”

Taeyong’s breath hitched as the man continued his exploration on Taeyong’s exposed skin; his touch left a burning sensation on Taeyong’s skin, like strong acid slowly searing his skin. The idol can only curse himself of his choice to use a short today. Taeyong wet his lips, tasting a tang of copper.

“Look at me Taeyong-ah..” the man grabbed his chin, roughly forcing his head to face the manic glee of his. Taeyong blinked his tears away, didn’t have other choices than to look at his attacker.

_“So I see you got all my messages?”_

That, drop the last bomb.

Cutting off any last string of sanity inside Taeyong’s brain. His whole body immediately shivered at the mere thought of his one whole month full of torture, _anxiety,_ and restles _s_ feeling of being _watched._

This man is his stalker.

“I’ve been dreaming about this a lot…” he leaned down, puffing hot breath that smelled like cheap booze into Taeyong's ears. The idol tried to move his body, at least an inch _away_ from the crazy man, but his body didn’t have any strength left and he couldn’t do anything other than writhing and prayed that this nightmare will end soon.

“…I love you so much… _that I hate you for it_ …”

Taeyong was hyperventilating at that point.

He was sure he’s about to faint when other things touch his skin, something _sharp_ and cold. Taeyong dared to glance down, and if he thought that this will not get any worse, _oh boi he’s so wrong._

It’s a _knife._

A kitchen knife, medium in size but long in length, its tip pressing against Taeyong’s pale skin, dangerously close of breaking the surface.

“I know that you will never be mine, and that's driving me crazy…”

The man played with the sharp tool for a moment, dragging the tip up and down, barely grazing the idol's unblemished skin.

“But then I thought that, _hey if I can’t have you… then no one will.”_

With that, the knife sank into his skin.

Taeyong _screamed._

The sound will surely be waking up every neighborhood of his, but the persistent force on top of his mouth muffled the majority of it. Taeyong _screamed_ at the hand anyway. Some sounds might have escaped from the cover since the attacker glanced briefly toward the entrance door -as if checking if someone heard the scream- before turning his attention back to the idol.

The man waited for a little before retracting his hand when he was sure that the idol didn’t have enough strength to screamed for help again. True enough, even when the hand no longer covering his mouth, Taeyong can only wheeze weakly, eyes screwed shut, trying to push the pain away.

The knife then went deeper, deeper, and _deeper_ each second, and Taeyong brokenly sobbed. He could feel the way his flesh gets torn apart, pain sharp, and sent a jolt down his spine.

“…beautiful… beautiful Taeyong-ie…”

The pain was _unbearable._

It was different from when he accidentally cut himself while cooking for the members, it was more _intense_ and way more painful. Taeyong shivered, body losing its temperature from each glop of blood gushing out his wound. The man twisted the knife out, releasing a large gush of fresh blood, the scent of iron hanging heavy on the room. The man bought up his bloodied hand, before _sniffing_ the smell of it.

“Even your blood smell sweet…. What a perfect being…”

Taeyong was latching into his last consciousness at this point; mind too shambled to think, eyes too blurry to see, and body too weak to even twitch. He barely aware when his attacker abruptly straightened up -as if he heard something- and suddenly the weight pressing him down was gone. He didn’t know why or when his attacker hustled out of the dorm, all he can feel was pain, pain, and _pain._

The man was gone, that's for sure, leaving the idol wheezing and bleeding inside his own comfort of _home._ Taeyong forced his body to move, and he rolled to his side. Weak, trembling hand trying to press into the wound to slow down the dangerous flow of blood, but his palm barely do anything as the stream still flowing in between his fingers.

_This is not good._

Taeyong hoped the other return home as soon as possible.

He blacked out.

* * *

“That’s for today! Good work, boys!” the instructor happily exclaimed. “Keep it up and you may achieve Johnny’s level of muscle in no time!”

“I-is this the afterlife-?” Haechan wailed, the poor boy was laying on the sport mat, sweating like he just ran a perfect 127 km longitudes of the great Seoul. Beside him was Doyoung, sweating just the same, but he was sitting down, heaving a shaky breath.

“This soreness will remain until tomorrow, I swear...” the vocalist admitted, moving his hands to test the soreness.

“You guys are being overdramatic.” Johnny laughed, his breath not as labored as the other two, but his skin was glistening with a layer of sweat, just like Haechan and Doyoung.

“Drink a lot of water and take a nice shower when you return to your dorm, boys!” the instructor said from the other side of the gym.

“Yes, sir!” Johnny was the one who replied, being the one who has more stamina left compared to the rest.

“Ookay, let’s go home, I’m beat,” Doyoung mumbled while packing his things from the side bench into his bag. His muscles screamed in protest but Doyoung ignores the dull throbbing ache.

“Any of you in for a quick take-out? I believe some store is still open at this time.” Johnny suggested, he knew good restos that open 24 hours around the gym. He thought the maknae will agree, but surprisingly, Haechan shook his head frantically.

“Let’s just go home. My body was too tired to eat right now.” He whined.

“Stop over-reacting. You got that from Mark?” Johnny laughed.

The trio walked into the parked car; Johnny seated himself in the driver seat of their manager’s car, starting the engine as Doyoung climbed the passenger seat and Haechan on the back seat. Their drive back home was mostly quiet, as Haechan and Doyoung were too spent to speak. They were in peaceful silence with Doyoung’s R&B Playlist slowly played from the speaker.

They arrived at their apartment not so long after, considering the road was mostly empty because it’s late at night. Johnny parked the car and they went up using the elevator toward the 5th floor. Haechan regained some of his strength as he started telling them stories about Dreamies funny quirks during their practice.

Johnny walked in front of the two main vocalists -he was the one who brings the keys- as he listened absentmindedly to the youngest’s story.

“And then Jaemin-ie did this weird stunt and-OW!” Haechan stopped mid-story as his face collided with Johnny’s broad back. The older man stopped dead on his track abruptly. “Owww what the hell, hyung!”

“Johnny-hyung what’s wro-“ Doyoung stepped forward. Their eyes then landed on what made Johnny froze in his spot.

Their door was opened.

It was only parted slightly, but it was opened.

It was _unlocked_.

They threw a worried glance toward each other, gulping down the fear, and Johnny swung the door open. They are all gasped loudly at the sight.

Their entrance was a total _mess_ ; shoes scattered around the front entrance, painting fallen from the wall, vase crushed on the floor, and they can see in the distance, that their standing lamp laying broken on the floor too.

“Shit-What the fuck happened-“ Johnny cursed and suddenly he remembers that their leader, _Taeyong_ , was supposedly in their dorm.

“ _Shit shit shit_ \- find Taeyong!” Johnny felt the beginning of panic forming inside his gut. The dread creeping inside his mind, crawling and forming so many negative scenarios of _What-if._ He rushed toward Taeyong’s room.

Doyoung and Haechan both snapped out of their shock quite quickly, as Doyoung ran to the bathroom and Haechan rushed to their living room.

Johnny found Taeyong’s room empty. Cold sweat formed on his temple.

_Where is he- where is he- where is-_

“OH MY GOD TAEYONG-HYUNG!”

It was Haechan’s scream.

The scream came from the living room.

Johnny and Doyoung both ran toward the source, and they were really not prepared for what they were seeing.

Taeyong was crumpled on the floor, on a pool of blood; his white hoodie stained crimson red and one of his hand grasped weakly on his right pelvic, pressing down the source of all the blood. Haechan was on his side, panic and fear on his eyes.

“ _Fuck_ \- Hyuck, Call the ambulance! Hurry!” Johhny and Doyoung moved swiftly, switching their position with the maknae. He shoved the youngest away from the bloodied body, and Johnny positioned himself blocking the teenager from the horror sight in front of him, even when it probably was too late for them to protect the maknae from it.

“O-on it,” Haechan said, using one trembling hand to take out his phone.

“Oh shit, Yong. Can you open your eyes? Can you hear us?” Johnny carefully pulled the leader up into his lap, Taeyong’s head lolled to his chest. Doyoung took a towel from the laundry rack and pressed it hard to the open wound, making the leader flinched and stirred awake.

“Oh god, Taeyong-hyung…” Doyoung pressed the towel more and watched in horror as the pale-yellow towel turning crimson red at how much blood it absorbed.

“T-they are on their way,” Haechan informed them while his phone was still connected to the emergency number.

“… _hurts_..”

Their eyes darted toward the raspy voice below them, Taeyong was looking at them, but his eyes are unfocused and hazy. His breath came in a faint, short breath, as he was losing too much blood already.

“It’s okay yong. Help is on the way. Stay with us, please-“ Johnny tried to assure the injured man, _and himself_ , as from the corner of his eyes he saw Haechan passed the phone to Doyoung. The black-haired man fortunately was calmer than Johnny could ever be, and he nodded when he got some instruction from the line.

“We need to bring him to the lowest floor, to make it easier for the medic to reach us.”

“O-okay. Help him to my back.”

The three of them move with polished urgency, carefully placing Taeyong’s limp body on Johnny’s back. The older man then secured his arm around Taeyong, and he stood up.

“Hyuck, you stay here and call the managers. Inform the others too.” Doyoung said strictly, clearly not wanting any kind of objections. Haechan nodded, his eyes were still filled with dread, glancing toward the man on Johnny back a couple of times.

After that, he and Johnny run into the elevator which fortunately still on their floor. The mere seconds inside the elevator were driving both Doyoung and Johnny crazy. Especially the latter, since the Chicago man could feel the warmth seeping on his back, knowing very well it was the blood of _his friend_.

The elevator door dinged open, and they hurriedly ran to the entrance, where the ambulance was already parked. The medic rushed to them immediately, taking the injured idol from them and transferring him into a metal stretcher, before wheeling the stretcher inside the ambulance.

They somehow didn’t attract too much attention, save from the security guard and the night-shift janitor and lobby officer. They only accepted one person to accompany Taeyong in the ambulance, so Doyoung urged Johnny to get into the ambulance, telling something about _‘You are in no-state to pull a taxi, I’ll meet you in the hospital.’_

And that’s how Johnny was now sitting right beside an unconscious Taeyong, with oxygen mask covering half of his face, helping the ash-blonde idol’s weakened respiratory organ. Johnny felt his knee wobbled, his legs losing all of their strength as the older man slumped on a vacant seat beside a medic who was setting some kind of IV Tubes into Taeyong’s extended left arm. He recognized some of them are blood transfusion.

Just a few minutes after Johnny entered the cramped van, the medic who directed him into the ambulance hopped in, closed the door, and Johnny could feel the vehicle’s started off. Johnny noticed a neat bandage wrapped around Taeyong’s abdomen, but red spots began forming here and there on the white patch.

The first 5 minutes of the ride was tense, the two-medic paid full attention toward the idol leader. Johnny can distantly hear the blazing siren outside the van’s body. Just before he was about to loosen up a little, Taeyong made a weak cough, and both of the medic’s eyes turned sharp at the small gesture.

Things escalated quickly from there.

Started just from a mere weak cough, the cough density then increased exponentially. The unconscious idol coughed hard, _raw,_ and painful, and then he began taking short, rapid breath, each sequence getting shorter and shorter; that’s when Johnny realizes that his beloved leader’s body was convulsing and he could only witness how the medic turned frantic beside him.

“He’s having a shock!” said one of them.

“Shit- we need more blood! Get the O one!” the other yelled back.

Johnny, once again, rendered frozen on his seat, _useless._ He watched how Taeyong's breathing got all squeaky and weird-sounding, and he heaved out hard, as if inhaling air was the hardest thing to do in his life. He sounds just like someone who is drowning, but Taeyong is drowning while the air is literally everywhere filling the van space.

“We’re losing him!” the medic who pumped air into Taeyong’s lungs loudly informed his peers, as his eyes focusing on the portable ventilator behind Taeyong’s resting head. Johnny glanced at the device, he didn’t know shit what all of those static means, but the three lines available on the dark green screen are all slowing down in dangerous succession and Johnny _just knows_ that it doesn’t mean anything good.

The other medic let out a loud curse, before climbing up the metal stretcher, positioning himself strangling Taeyong’s tiny waist, careful not to pressed the wound. The medic place one of his hand heel on Taeyong barely rising chest, then his other hand rested on top of the later, interlocking his finger. The medic gave one, two firm push to his chest.

Johnny’s mind went blank.

The action of the medic was repeated for a while before another curse flew out from the medic’s mouth. The medic who didn’t give the CPR then began scrambling his gloved hands into various syringes available on a small metal table beside him, injecting three of them to Taeyong’s limp arm, before a loud, _sickening_ , beep sound vibrating inside the now-feel-too-cramped ambulance.

Johnny feels like vomiting.

He didn’t believe any of this shit. But his eyes zeroed to the flat line mocking him from the device screen, and Johnny forgot how to be _alive_ anymore.

“He’s going into cardiac arrest, get me the defibrillator!”

Johnny slumped on his seat, brain couldn’t process what the hell was happening anymore. It’s like his life suddenly turned into static mode; everything greyscale beside the green line and every noise is muted other than the sickening beep noise.

The medic smeared some kind of gel to Taeyong’s now-stilled chest, and then placing the paddles atop that.

“200 volts!”

“Charge!”

Taeyong’s limp body jolted as he was electrocuted with the medical device. His body then sagged back into the stretcher, still unmoving.

“Again, 200 volts!”

“Charge!”

Johnny didn’t remember anything past that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. but at the same time, I'm not sorry.
> 
> Ps. I just watched 127's beyond live and I can't stop crying, can't believe I finally watch their concert 😭


	5. Chapter 5 - The Gale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm dissipated but the strong gale remains, bothering the remnants spark of fire, shaken its spirit to stay alight, dangerously close to blowing out the tiny flames.
> 
> or
> 
> The members reciprocated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5th chapter Y'all~ I still can't believe the supports you guys give to this story ಥ_ಥ thanks a lot guys ❤ and do you guys notice something...? something is... different...
> 
> the /(?) symbol changed!! *whoop whoop whoop* you know what that means right? 😉😉😉
> 
> Anyway, the 5th chapter, this one shorter than the previous one, but short chapter pack a punch too y'know? ;-)

“WHAT!?”

Jaehyun jumped on his seat, mobile phone slipping away from his grip but luckily landed on the soft cushion. He was just browsing through his social media, deciding whether or not to update his Insta-Story, when Manager Jungsu loud voice cut through the room. The manager was dropping by their dorm, giving some update of their schedules since Youngjae-hyung was still in the main office, _revising a mistaken report from the advertisement crew,_ he said.

The youngest manager was usually calm and collected, definitely the most reserved one out of NCT’s three managers. That's a given since the man was positioned as Dream's manager, the man has the patience of a _saint_.

That’s why the loudness was very much unexpected. It wasn’t only Jaehyun; Taeil and Yuta who were also present in the room, both looking surprised at the raise of volume. Jungwoo and Mark even had to come out from their room, confused at the commotion.

“Oh god, fuck- okay, okay calm down hyuck- shit, okay- we’re going there.”

_Hyuck?_ Haechan? Is there something wrong with him?

“Stay there, okay- we’re going there.” And the call got cut off. The manager then stood still on his place in complete silence for a good 5 seconds, the phone still an inch away from his right ear.

Mark fidgeted on his place beside Jungwoo. Jaehyun thought that the young rapper must have worried because something was apparently wrong with his best friend, “Hyung, what’s wrong-“

but he was cut off by the manager, 

“Someone broke into the 5th floor, they hurt Taeyong. He’s in the hospital right now.”

* * *

“Haechan!” Taeil frantically called the younger’s name when he stepped inside the room, Mark and Jungwoo tailing closely behind the eldest.

The three of them had run from the elevator to the dorm. Mark had never thought the day he hates the fact that their dorm was located at the far end of the floor will come. Even when the distance between the elevator and the room was only a couple meters apart, but _it felt so far_ for the panicked men. It's almost 1 in the morning, and Mark was internally thankful that most room on the 5th floor is vacant, because damn they're _loud._

The 5th-floor dorm’s door was wide opened and they can already saw the mess of the room. The wrecked room was briefly missed in the heat of the moment when they spot Haechan slouched on the floor, back pressed into the wall. They hurriedly went to him and that’s when they finally took in the bizarre mess of their once neat and clean, living room.

“Jesus Christ-“ Mark saw the pool of blood, a deep crimson stain on their _supposedly-cream-colored_ rug and he can feel his stomach turned upside down.

"I'm going to call the police-" Jungwoo said, before storming outside with his phone dialing the emergency contact. 

“Oh god, Haechan-nie” Taeil pulled the younger toward his arm, caressing his hair and rubbing circle on his back.

Haechan was positively _shaken_. His eyes stared into nothing and his skin so so cold, and the youngest was _unresponsive_. The oldest vocalist had already called his name a couple of times now, but it seems like the younger couldn't even hear him.

“Come on Haechan, can you hear me?” Taeil anxiously tried again, cupping the back of Haechan's head so that the youngest face was leveled with him. "Haechan-ah, please answer me.."

Taeil could see the youngest was trying his best to focus on him, the maknae's eyes were fixated on his mouth as if trying to read what he just said. Haechan then opened his mouth, before closing it again, trying to tell them something.

“Hyuckie?”

“T-there was s-so much blood... hyung… T-Taeyong-hyung’s- T-taeyong-hyung’s blood-“

The youngest toppled over, face pale and one hand reaching his mouth. Taeil got the sign right away and yelled a quick _'Mark!'_ and they then hurriedly help him toward the bathroom. As soon as they arrived, Haechan then stumbled into the toilet. He leaned over, coughing and retching as phlegm emitted from his mouth and fell into the bowl. The youngest heaved out and coughed more, with Mark and Taeil behind him, rubbing soft circle on his back. They saw how horrible the remnant was, even when it was missing its actor, so they can’t comprehend just _how horrendous_ the actual scene was.

When the maknae was done, Taeil helped him stood up and guided him into the sink to rinse his mouth while Mark flushes the toilet. That's when the elder finally noticed the bloodied hand of the youngest. Taeil watched in horror at the stained skin, "H-Haechan-ah this is..."

The youngest was eerily quiet. He only stared blankly at the mess on both of his palms. Taeil breathed heavily, trying to calm the hammering feeling on his chest, “Let's get you clean up.”

He didn’t bother replying to him. The elder then tenderly grab Haechan's hands, placing them under the running water. Taeil did all the work because the youngest was too deep inside his shock to be able to function properly. After succeeding helping Haechan to rinse his mouth, Taeil gently guided him out of the bathroom. The oldest member saw manager Youngjae arrived, eyes frantic and distressed, and he carefully leaned Haechan’s weight into Mark. The Canadian then mouthed _'I got him'_ and Taeil let go of the youngest and went to their manager.

Mark sling Haechan's arm over his shoulder, before securing his hand on his friend's back.

“Haechan-ah? Let's get out from here, yeah?”

Mark was basically supporting his friend’s whole weight, as Haechan’s legs rendered useless after witnessing all that nightmare. Mark was obviously stronger than his friend, but he still stumbled here and there, staggering to keep them balanced. Jungwoo arrived just in time when Mark tripped over a fallen shoe shelf, preventing them to fall over. Now with the strength of both of them, they helped the still passive Haechan toward their dorm.

When they arrived at the 10th-floor dorm, Jungwoo went into his room to grab spare clothes, while Mark helped his friend to sit on the sofa.

"Haechan-ah, do you want a drink?" he asked while one of his hand softly massaging the tense shoulder of the younger. He remembers how hoarse his friend's voice was, and his throat should have felt like burning because of the previous retching. He didn't expect his friend to answer him, so Mark stood up, about to walk into the kitchen counter when heard a mumble,

“…should have stayed…”

“What is it, Haechan-ah?" Mark went back to Haechan, kneeling down in front of the vocalist with the hope of hearing what the other had just mumbled. Haechan's head hung low, and Mark can't see his expression.

“W-we should have stayed…” he said again, with a slightly louder voice than before.

Mark frowned, confused at the statement. “What are you talking about Haechan-“

“We should have not go to the gym… we should have not left him…” 

It didn't take a genius to guess the meaning behind those sentences.

Mark gasped in horror as he came to understand his friend's thinking. He can _clearly_ see the younger blaming himself for something that's _not even his fault_. 

“Haechan-“ Mark was about to retaliate, to stop the toxic thought for corrupting his friend's mind, when Haechan rise his head, and Mark had _never_ in his entire life seeing enormous, immaculate _dread_ inside his friend's eyes.

“Oh god, it’s our fault, right? H-he got hurt because w-we left him…”

Mark, despite his hatred toward initiating affectionate skinship, was quick to engulf the young vocalist into a tight embrace, hooking him to reality as the other slowly breaking into a crying mess. It was already spreading, _the poison_. 

“Donghyuck-ah, It’s not your fault,” Mark said, willed himself to stay strong for his friend. But the venom was slowly reaching into his mind too, corrupting his attempt to stay optimistic. Mark shook his head, for now, he had to put on a mask, he had to stay strong. The rapper didn’t know if Haechan can hear him or not inside his crying fit, but he keeps on spouting reassurances that their leader will pull through, that _Taeyong will be okay_.

He _hoped_.

* * *

When Jaehyun entered the ward, he can feel the air getting punched out of his lung.

There’s Taeyong, his beloved hyung, lying weakly on the hospital bed, relying on various devices just to be alive. A steady beep sounds filled the room like a morbid metronome, and Jaehyun forced his wobbly legs to walk closer, taking a seat on the available cheap plastic chair just on the bedside of Taeyong’s right. One trembling hand reached out to the unmoving one,

“Taeyong-hyung…”

_“Someone break into the 5 th floor. They hurt Taeyong.”_

_“What!?”_

_The other's reaction was either cursing or gasping; He could hear Yuta loud curses, both in Japanese and Korean, Mark cussed in English, Taeil and Jungwoo both gasped out loud._

_But Jaehyun did neither._ _His brain couldn’t proceed with what the manager had just said._

_Someone broke into their dorm?_

_Taeyong is hurt?_

_He’s in the hospital?_

_Why does he need to go to the hospital?_

_“Okay, hear me out. Taeil, I want you to take mark and Jungwoo with you, go to the 5 th floor, Haechan is still there. Make sure that he's okay. Also, call the police and Youngjae. While you're at it contact Insoon too, I know he's taking a day off but call him anyway.”_

_Taeil nodded, looking toward the other two youngest of the group. They nodded and then the three of them dashed out of their dorm._

_“Jaehyun and Yuta, you two will go with me to the hospital. Johnny and Doyoung are there."_

_Jaehyun barely remembers running down to the basement parking slot. The next thing he knew, the three of them were speeding up toward the hospital. Jaehyun never knows that their manager could drive so carelessly without breaking any traffic rules. They just ran pass a yellow light._

_All the drive, Jaehyun was still trying to process the news. He glanced once toward Yuta who sat on the passenger seat, and his eye caught a terrifying expression he ever seen on the older man. Yuta looked livid; his hands clenched tightly until his knuckles turned white, his eyes murderous, but the Japanese man was calm. Lips pressed into a thin line, but he was skeptically calm._

_And it only made it scarier._

_He looked away before the older man notices his staring. Jaehyun was never felt so intimidated by the Japanese man before._

_He then tried to disturb his mind with other things, but unable to, since his mind was in turmoil._

_How bad was the injury for Taeyong to be rushed to a hospital?_

_How can people break into their dorm in the first place?_

_Why?_

_Are they just randomly got picked by the mobster? Or is this planned?_

_What the hell is happening?_

_They arrived at the hospital in the record of just 15 minutes drive. The car was parked beside the ER entrance, and they rushed inside. Within the ER department, there were not many of people, considering it was almost 1 in the morning. They spotted two familiar figures,_

_Johnny and Doyoung._

_Johnny was sitting on the waiting bench outside the operation room, and Doyoung was standing across him. They immediately went to them._

_Jaehyun took a sharp inhale when they were close enough to see the detailed state of the two; Doyoung was looking messy, his shirt dirty and crumpled. But the worse out of two is Johnny; he was wearing his normal attire for his night workout, but all over his skin, was blood; his whole arms, his shoulders, even reaching his neck and jaw, was dried blood._

_Jaehyun didn’t want to know whose blood is that._

_Doyoung noticed their arrival and curtly nodded before their manager pulled him aside to have a rushed talk with the vocalist. Jaehyun and Yuta were left to deal with the other man, who was not even noticing their presence, staring into the floor like it’s the most interesting thing in the world._

_“Hey, buddy. Johnny.” Jaehyun carefully called, he wanted to grab at his shoulder but he halted since he didn't know how the older man would react to human contact right now. The said man raises his head and Jaehyun could taste the fear inside his mouth just from seeing the blankness on the elder's eyes._

_Yuta moved right away, engulfing his friend in a tight hug with no hesitation. The same-age-friend didn't even mind the expensive shirt he wore got ruined by the dried blood._

_“He’s gonna be okay. He’s gonna be okay, Johnny.” There’s a crack at the end of Yuta’s voice and his whole body was trembling, but he kept the embrace tight around the taller man, as if preventing him from further breaking apart._

_Johnny shed silent tears, and Yuta’s struggling to keep himself from crying, but Jaehyun somehow didn’t feel anything. Amidst everything, his brain still refuse to accept anything as he stood there confused at everything and everyone._

_But then the operation door opened, and a man emerged from inside of it, rubbing his hand clear._

_“Are you gentlemen perhaps, associate with Mr. Lee?”_

_Jaehyun, noticing the current state of his other two friends, step forward. “Y-yes. We’re his bandmate…”_

_“The operation went smoothly. He lost a dangerous amount of blood, and the knife ruptured his large intestine, dangerously close to his appendix, but we manage to stabilize him.”_

_“But we’re afraid he will not gain any consciousness soon. His wound was infected and we’re currently doing our best to prevent the infection from worsening. He also got a nasty concussion. We stitched the wound, but we will have to run some tests to deduce if there is any brain damage.”_

_After explaining all those horrible explanations that Jaehyun couldn't really process with his staggered brain, the doctor then asked if they wanted to see him._

_That, Jaehyun could understand. He looked back toward Yuta and Johnny._

_“You go first. I’ll help Johnny clean all this blood off of him.”_

_And Jaehyun nodded, following the nurse who claimed that she will show him where Taeyong’s room is._

The moment he saw the elder, _something_ just broke inside of him; Like a dam breaking, like a Pandora box being opened, like a thin string _snapped_ at the heavyweight it holds and suddenly, all the information seeped into his brain, all the _reality_ slapping him on his face, and the numbness goes away.

Replaced by a great wave of sorrow.

The tears formed, _at long last._

The emotion hurled into him with the force of a tidal wave; sweeping any thoughts inside his mind, crushing any denial and refusal his tired brain _still_ tried to produce to even out the sudden pain he’s feeling, destroying all the mental wall his mind had built to protect him.

He drowned inside it.

Jaehyun cried, _hard_.

His cries mixed with the machine's constant sounds, orchestrating a melancholy melody inside the room.

* * *

> [BREAKING] **Man Broke into NCT’s Dorm, Severely Injuring NCT 127’s Taeyong.**
> 
> On March 29th, local police said that a man broke into NCT 127’s Dorm.
> 
> Police said that the man’s motive is still unclear, but it’s allegedly the man was trying to rob the house, as there are the rampant cases of theft in the area of the group’s apartment building, not realizing that the house was an idol’s.
> 
> _ [Read more: Apartment Complex Thievery cases increased this month] _
> 
> The perpetrator also didn’t expect for the leader, Taeyong, to be present. There are evidence of fight going between the idol and the criminal, while unfortunately lead to the idol got severely injured with a stab on the stomach. The idol was then rushed to nearby hospital ‘ _but his condition remains unstable’_ stated the hospital representative.
> 
> The police manage to get footages of the perpetrator from the apartment CCTV and they manage to uncover the attacker identity as ‘L’ and the man has criminal record for stealing, robbery, and assault. The criminal was currently on the run and the police are actively tracking him down.
> 
> Taeyong’s agency, SM Entertainment, stated that their side will fully cooperating with the local police in order to catch the criminal.
> 
> Meanwhile in twitter, the hashtag #GetWellSoonTaeyong and #JusticePrevails are trending as a support for the Kpop idol.

* * *

> _[+1928 -15] Oh my god! That’s so terrifying!!! Hope for a fast recovery for Lee Taeyong and I hope the rest of the members are okay. Nowadays people are acting more ruthless since the upcoming economic fall, stay safe everybody!_
> 
> _[+2190 -967] This shows how depraved our nation police forces. Well, our country, in general. The theft cases were happening for around three months now without them doing anything serious. But now the victim was an idol? They are suddenly pouring all their resources? I’m calling bullshit._
> 
> _[+1289 -237] I will not jump into baseless conclusion, if I were you. We don’t know shit what’s happening behind the screen, they could be trying their hard to solve this problem. This case is different since the victim is a public figure, and this is actually the first time they hurt the house owner._
> 
> _[+588 -125] Is he really tried to rob the house? It’s possible that this lunatic is Ty’s anti-fans…_
> 
> _[+345 -290] SM you better do something!! I know you are a shitty company but this case is different, Taeyong is injured because of your negligence!!!_
> 
> _[+165 -78] Stupid fangirl stfu. This case is no longer about your company-idol vendetta anymore sweetie, this is one of our nation’s security problem. The world isn’t about your idols. Grow up._
> 
> _[+296 -45] but it’s still possible, tho. I found it weird for a random man to randomly broke into an idol’s house. Not to mention NCT had been the talk of people nowadays._
> 
> _[+789 -23] this is not the right time to blame SM. The company already provided the boys one of the top-quality apartment complex as their home. My friends live in the same apartment as them and he said that there are securities and they are doing their job properly. But there is this term called external factor, and unexpected things happens. The last thing we have to do is blaming each other, and making dangerous assumption that can worsening this situation._
> 
> _[+645 -254] I read this on twitter, but some fans stated that it is also highly possible that the man is Ty sasaeng. They said that he got attacked after admitting he was alone in dorm on his vlive. Too much for a coincidence, right?_
> 
> _[+45 -13] wait sasaeng is supposedly their fans, right? Why the hell fans attacked their own idol??_
> 
> _[+423 -9] First, they are not a fan, they are just stalker. Second, they are mental deranged. And third, they are delusional._
> 
> _[+76 -33] SM does have history of having extreme cases of both anti-fans and sasaeng…_
> 
> _[+90 -18] oh my god true, I’m a huge cassie when I was younger and yunho’s poisoning case was still fresh on my mind._
> 
> _[+112 -75] but the apartment thievery is real y’know…_
> 
> _[+105 -20] they are probably done by different people. It just by chance the timing was in sync._
> 
> _[+298 -44] I thought the same. It’s weird that there’s nothing stolen from their dorm? It’s not stated in any official articles I’ve read._
> 
> _[+7 -82] or maybe he was just busy trying to kill ty._
> 
> _[+579 -121] Someone just said that we should stop making dangerous assumption yet here you guys already conspiring another theory, smh… we can’t be sure at what really happen because ty himself is still in hospital and can’t make official statement of this incident. it can be that man is indeed an anti-fans/sasaeng, but it can also be this is just another theft case. Deal with it._
> 
> _[+892 -11] I just hope the boys are okay. I’m afraid of their safety._
> 
> _[+210 -65] hate to mention this to y’all, but this dude still roaming around our country, what a great news._
> 
> _ [Load +2368 more replies] _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite part from this chapter is the 'Online Forum Discussion' !!! I really enjoyed making that part, it's really a cool experience to forced myself to think from various perspective at the same time. I tried to make it as close as possible to real situation inside the internet, and I hope it turned out fine (〒▽〒)
> 
>   
> (I just realize I made LOTS of typo here, sorry for that 😅)
> 
> Ps : I think I updated this at the wrong timing tho lmao BUT THAT'S OKAY, STREAM PUNCH EVERYBODY 🔥🔥🔥 (and also non-stop because that song is LIT)


	6. Chapter 6 - The Drizzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tried to remember; where was he, how the hell did he ended up in this situation at the first place, anything, as long as it helps ease the confusion growing within his tired mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6th chapter... It's nearing the end guys (‘◉⌓◉’)!! 
> 
> Oh and before you read this chapter, I will apologize in advance. Why? Read the chapter 😌😌😌

It’s been 5 days.

There’s good news and bad news after 5 torturous days since the incident.

The good news was the police manage to catch the criminal. They arrested him on his residence. The police said that the man was assumed to have mental illness as they caught him breaking down all furniture inside his apartment; his mobile phone and laptop were both smashed into bits and they found burned papers all over his apartment. The papers were burned to ashes, making the polices unable to identify what the papers were. They found out that the man has no family and acquaintances, was fired from his job not so long ago, and he had been drinking a lot. Heavy medicine such as _Zolpidem tartrate, Lorazepam,_ and _Temazepam_ -drugs used for sleeping troubles- were also found. It’s _a typical sign of a depressed person who has a bad coping mechanism which ended up committing a crime_ , they said. The police said that they will conclude this case as a theft-attempt and assault, and the only things they need was Taeyong's statement.

But Jaehyun didn’t care.

All he cared is that the man was arrested, got thrown into either prison or the mental asylum, and will never bother them again.

Now the bad news, Taeyong isn't waking up yet.

It's been only _-only?-_ 5 days but it's felt like forever to Jaehyun.

The news was spreading fast in media; new articles emerged here and there, daily news talking about their incident almost every morning, and the worst, media social had been in uproar state that the agency urged them not to look at them for a time being. Jaehyun knew that on the internet, so many speculations arise and the company can only do much to control the fire, hence, the constrain.

They also got a lot of calls from their relatives, friends, and families, asking their condition and safety; both were taken care of. They fixed the door lock and even installed a new security system. Their apartment also took responsibility for the broke in and upgraded their security protocol; now the guard shift is more frequent and more CCTV were installed all around the complex.

In those five days, the members took shift visiting the still unconscious leader.

Dreamies and WayV also visited, Jaehyun still remember a frantic Ten came to Taeyong’s hospital room on the first day with an equally worried Sicheng and Lucas. The shorter man then spent almost an hour crying beside the sleeping leader.

It took Sicheng, Lucas, _and they even had to call Kun_ , to dragged Ten back to their dorm since the dancer refused to leave. Kun brought the other 3 Chinese members in the afternoon, with a beautiful purple peonies bouquet on his arm. Kun had said that the ones who choose the pretty flowers were Xiaojun, Hendery, and Yangyang themselves.

Their visit was brief because of the time limitation from the hospital and the police also limited the people visiting Taeyong's hospital room.

Johnny was the one who stays at Taeyong's side during the first day, him and Yuta, with the addition of two police officers outside the room. The guards were there because at that time the culprit was still on run, with the possibility of him is Taeyong's sasaeng/anti-fans still present. The police and agency _-and also the members-_ afraid that the man will try to visit Taeyong if he is _indeed_ his sasaeng/anti-fans.

The police even had to stationed _outside_ the hospital, since some of Taeyong's own fans decided to gather in front of the hospital, crying and wishing him a fast recovery. ‘ _Some'_ isn't the right way to describe it, because there were _a lot_ of them. They even blockaded _-unintentionally-_ the hospital entrance, causing disturbance to the public facilities to the point the hospital had to issue a warning and ban toward the fans. Luckily, the fans seemingly only acted impulsively because of the shocking news, and they were then cooperating with the hospital and police and dispersed the crowd. But some of them still send flower arrangements outside the hospital, which was allowed by both the hospital and the police.

The dreamies visited together on the second day, acting as mental support for Haechan and Mark who were on shift on that day. The teen's presence actually helped both Mark and Haechan, as the two of them were so stressed by the current situation.

Jisung had cried beside Taeyong's limp hand. Saying that _he missed him_ and how it was not the same without the elder's presence. The boy also cried for him to wake up because Taeyong _had promised_ to evaluate his dancing for Dream's new comeback plan. It took both Jaemin, Jeno, and Manager Jungsu to calm the youngest down.

Chenle had looks visibly upset. The Chinese boy was known for having strong mental and self-control, but a teardrop escaped his hold, and watching the ever-strong Chenle cried was breaking Haechan and Mark's heart even more. The boy cried silently, with Renjun beside him offering his shoulder to cry on.

SuperM hyungs visited by turns on the third until the fourth day. Kai and Taemin visited on the third day, while Baekhyun visited on the fourth. The seniors had said that they strongly believe that this case isn't mere thievery, since they had their share of crazy sasaeng and anti-fans, and reminds Doyoung and Jungwoo - _the ones who were present at that time_ \- to be extra careful in the future. They said that this case could act as a trigger for the other sasaengs and anti-fans.

Baekhyun came when it was Taeil's shift. The EXO main vocalist was supposedly busy with his upcoming comeback, but the elder came running to the hospital when his manager had _finally_ able to free up his schedule.

He told Taeil his times with Taeyong during SuperM promotion and tour in the US, how sweet and bright the NCT leader was, how strong his desire to _spoil_ him since Baekhyun said that he can see the stress and tiredness on Taeyong's eyes on their first meeting, _an expression that shouldn’t have been there on a 25 years old man's face._ Baekhyun then told him how amazing Taeyong is, since ‘ _being a leader is apparently more tiring than I imagined'_ he said, which Taeil internally agreed, Taeyong is _amazing_.

The culprit was also captured on the fourth day. The news came in the morning, easing up the anxiety of _so many people_. The guard was still there though, only decreasing in the amount of officers stationed.

Today, the fifth day, was Jaehyun's shift. It's 9 at night and Jaehyun went to the hospital right after his emceeing recording ended. The manager was with him at first, but then he went back to the dorm an hour later, leaving Jaehyun with the company of the still-sleeping Taeyong.

He still couldn’t get used seeing the other being this vulnerable. He couldn’t get used to the silence that comes after he called Taeyong's name, he couldn’t get used to the coldness of Taeyong's hand, and he couldn’t get used of the lack of bright eyes and sweet smile of Taeyong's in his world.

They say that _'Time heals all wounds',_ and Jaehyun used to believe that, but now he didn't.

He's _still_ hurting.

Maybe because it’s only been 5 days?

Maybe _'Times'_ people means should be longer than that?

Or maybe _'Times'_ never heals any wounds in the first place, _they only soften the sharp edges_ , making the mind got used to the pain instead.

But the wounds are still there anyways.

Because Jaehyun is _still_ hurting.

His heart clenched and he still had this urge to cry whenever he saw the leader's current state.

Today was no different.

He already sits beside the leader for 2 hours now, just sitting there doing nothing other than drowning in his anxiety and hearing the elder's faint breath. Using one trembling hand, he took hold of Taeyong's unmoving right hand, grasping it softly. He shakily exhaled, forcing his body to relax after 2 hours of restlessness.

During that time, his mind couldn’t help but wonder;

_What if Taeyong never wakes up?_ They said that the loss amount of blood and concussion can lead to brain dead in the worst scenario, he'll be as good as _dead_.

_What will happen to the team?_ Will they move on with their life or will they break even more?

_What will happen to him?_

The questions were answered by the cold silence air, caressing his face with cold touch, sending shiver and goosebump all over his body.

He wanted to loosen up, but Jaehyun could only felt his fear pilling up instead.

Beneath all those fears, a little pang of regret bloomed,

Jaehyun couldn’t stop thinking; _What if this is the last time, I see him?_

_No._

Jaehyun weakly shook his head, a silent stream of tears running down his cheek.

_You didn’t properly say goodbye to him,_ a voice spoke inside his mind, _accusing._

_No._

_He will make it. Taeyong will be okay._ He thought, fighting back the sinister voice spouting negative thought inside his mind, _the venom._

_He will make it._ He said to himself once again.

Just the mere thought of _losing Taeyong_ made him sick. The last time Jaehyun see the leader was when they are finishing their dance practice session, on the day Taeyong got attacked, all tired and beaten up by their intense dance routine. They didn't talk at that time; well they didn't interact as much as they did in their early days nowadays.

It’s not a bad thing; they didn’t fight or anything the fans assume them to be, it’s just that Jaehyun was young, and now he's grown up. He's mellowed down and all the energy he had, seeped off as he grew older.

He tried to found his voice.

“Hyung… Please open your eyes…”

Jaehyun thought that Taeyong was a cool and amazing Hyung. That’s why he loved messing around the elder, teasing him, showing some public affection to the leader, being all funny and happy, which ended up being called _'fanservice'_ by their fans.

But when Jaehyun matured enough, he understood the burden on the leader's shoulder. He began noticing the frown on the leader’s face, the tense shoulder he had during recording, the tiredness from the elder’s eyes, and the soft grunts and groans he tried to hide. He realized the true hardship the older man had to go through, and he really respects the man for that.

Jaehyun still thinks Taeyong is a cool and amazing hyung, but now there's a _different depth_ behind those words.

That’s why he tried to reduce the clingy behavior he had before, tried to minimalized his public affection toward the elder. He tried to act more mature on camera, he wanted to show that he is a grown-up too, so that he can offer support and strength behind the camera and public eyes; he ought to become Taeyong's real support.

But Jaehyun knows he will never be able to reach that point.

Taeyong sees him as his little brother, and no matter how hard Jaehyun tried to change that, Taeyong is still treating him like one. He never let Jaehyun shares some of his burdens, he always wants to be the perfect hyung for him.

And it honestly frustrated the hell out of Jaehyun.

He will never be Johnny, whom Taeyong bared his soul since trainee days.

He will never be Taeil, whom Taeyong runs to when he was sad and stressed.

He will never be Doyoung, whom Taeyong trust with his worries and his thoughts.

He will never be the hyungs from SuperM, whom Taeyong seeks for advice and comfort of someone older than him.

He will just be Jung Jaehyun, Taeyong's beloved _younger brother._

Jaehyun brought the cold hand toward his face, peppering the unmoving palm with soft kisses.

“Stay with us Hyung… _Stay with me, please_ …”

To make things even worse, the old crush he had for the elder started to grow once again - _and now that he matured_ \- the feelings became dangerously more serious.

And Jaehyun is bad with feelings. He couldn’t control the overwhelming feelings he has for the leader. He didn’t know how to express them.

The emotional stress, the constant indirect rejection from the leader, and the way he copes with the rejection wrongly mixing up together, creating an image of them giving cold shoulder toward each other; hence, the distancing between the two.

But it’s not true at all. Sure, there’s a visible distance between them, but Taeyong is still the same as before.

It just Jaehyun who had changed.

It was Jaehyun, still fighting over himself about his feelings; He _wanted_ Taeyong to acknowledge his feelings.

He _wanted_ , as in past tense, something in the past.

Now, all Jaehyun wants is for Taeyong to just _wakes up._

_His feelings be damned._

If it means that he has to bottle up his feelings for the elder for the rest of his life, so then be it.

If it means that he has to wait forever for Taeyong to at least return his feelings, so then be it.

Even If Taeyong _never_ returns his feelings, even if Taeyong left his heart _broken_ in pieces, so then be it.

“Taeyong-hyung, please…”

_He just wants him to wake up_.

* * *

Everything hurts.

Taeyong was floating inside a black void. He couldn’t feel anything; his senses were numb. He tried to feel his limb, but none of them were answering him. All he could do is staring into nothingness.

Apparently, his brain was still functioning normally; his tendency to overthinking everything really help him in this situation, anchoring to what-left of the idol’s sanity. He closed his eyes even when the only thing he could see was black.

He tried to remember; where was he, how the hell did he ended up in this situation in the first place, _anything_ , as long as it helps ease the confusion growing within his tired mind.

He remembered the pain on his pelvic. _What was that?_

He remembered the cold floor. _Where was that?_

He remembered the eerie voice, calling out to him. _Who was that?_

And the last memories awaken something dark, deep inside his head. He can’t fully recollect it, but _something_ was definitely reacting to the last bit of memory. His body began convulsing, and he suddenly drowned, getting pulled inside the once tranquil void.

Now this is different.

It’s not a black void anymore, it’s a black, lurking ocean. His senses went hazard; all of sudden he can feel the cold water hitting his skin, he can hear the loud grumbling sound of the current, he can smell the awful odor of the water and he can taste the bitterness of the water inside his gaping mouth.

He was _drowning_ , and he couldn’t fight back the pull.

_Everything_ _hurts._

His body protesting; body ached all over the place. His tired arms and limbs flailing inside the turmoil. He can hear something vague, just above his head. The audible voice was so distant, like the source was outside the ocean Taeyong currently drowned within.

_“Hyung- Please open your eyes-“_

Taeyong knows that voice.

He knows that voice, but he can’t put up _who’s_ that voice belongs to _;_ He just knows that voice. Taeyong tried reaching his arms, trying to somehow bring himself closer to the distant surface.

_“-stay with me, please…”_

_I’m trying_. Taeyong girthed out in frustration.

He fought back, with all his strength this lithe body could muster up, but the pull was strong, _far stronger_ than Taeyong could ever counter. Despite his effort, he could feel himself sinking more and more inside the vast black ocean.

_“Taeyong-hyung, please…”_

Taeyong’s eye widened in surprise at the mention of his name. As if his own name triggered the memories inside him, he recognized that deep, silky voice.

_Jaehyun-ie_.

The moment he could remember the owner of those voices calling out to him, a black vine shot out from the darkness below him, strangling both his ankle. The vine pulled much stronger than the waves that trying to swallow him whole. Taeyong felt panic rise in his chest as he glances to the darkness below him,

**_“… I love you so much…Taeyong-ah”_ **

The voice rumbled underwater; loud, as loud as the waves around him.

And he _knows_ that voice also. He knows that sinister voice.

Taeyong remembered the pain on his hip, he remembered the warm blood, he remembered the unwanted cold touch on his skin,

**_“I love you so much that I hate you for it…”_ **

****

He remembered _him._

All of his memories played like a vintage film unraveled inside his mind.

The stalker

His attacker

_His almost assault_

_The knife_

If Taeyong was crying at this point, he won’t be able to tell as the tears mixed almost immediately with the ocean around him. He shook his head, turned his head frantically toward where the surface, _where Jaehyun’s voice was_. He wanted to call out for him, but no voice came out from his surprisingly dry throat even though he’d been swallowing _god-knows_ how much bitter water of the ocean. He gagged and try to cough out the water, but more entering instead.

The pull got stronger, and Taeyong started to lose his consciousness. His reached arm slowly losing its strength. The pain got too much to the point it’s unbearable, so he closed his eyes and let the darkness consumed him wholly.

* * *

Taeyong slowly opened his eyes.

He was greeted with an unfamiliar plain white ceiling, a constant beep noise, and the smell of strong disinfectant.

At first, he was confused, his brain needed some time to restart itself. He processed his surrounding, blinking once, twice, thrice, adjusting to the bright light of his room, grunting softly.

This wasn’t what he usually sees when he wakes up; this was not his dorm room, that’s for sure. This was also not his room in his family house.

His body also felt strangely light. He felt like floating even though there was the obvious presence of a mattress beneath his back. His eyes felt so heavy and he had this strong urge to just slip back into the comfort of unconsciousness.

He’s so lost in his thought that he missed a loud gasp from his right.

Taeyong then felt a gentle pressure on his right hand, and he slowly turned his head toward his bedside. His unfocused eyes met with a pair of dark brown orbs.

_Jaehyun._

Taeyong's entire frame froze, not believing what he saw.

It's Jaehyun, but something was different from him; Taeyong noticed how _this-Jaehyun_ looked so drained, there was a heavy dark circle beneath his eyes and a trail of dried tears on his milky skin.

His unfamiliar surroundings, his numb senses, Jaehyun's flabbergasted expression, the whole circumstances, just felt too _unreal_. Is this a dream? Did he overwork himself again? Is his body finally reaching its limit? Did he die?

 _“T-Taeyong-hyung?”_ Jaehyun _oh-so_ softly called his name, as if he didn’t want to startle him.

But Jaehyun in his dream used that kind of tone too.

Taeyong knew how to ensure whether this is a dream or not; all of his dream-friends will perish into thin air the moment Taeyong’s skin gets in contact with theirs, they will turn into glittering dust before getting swept by the wind like some fantasy anime effect Yuta likes to watch. So Taeyong tried to move his hand, tried to reach out to the dark-haired man, but his hand is so weak that he can only move it an inch before it flopped back uselessly into the soft mattress.

But then Jaehyun tenderly grasped his hand, and bought it to rest on his cheek.

_It’s warm._

_It’s soft._

And then finally realization dawn upon him.

_It’s Jaehyun._

_This is real._

There are so many things that Taeyong want to say at the moment, but the only sentence that he managed to rasp out was,

_“J-Jaehyun?”_

Taeyong didn’t even realize that he was crying. He didn’t know why he cried. He also didn’t know why he asked that, why he needed affirmation of the younger's presence. He just wanted to call his name.

“Yes hyung. It’s me. You’re here. You’re safe.” Jaehyun - _Taeyong just realized_ \- was crying too, but he was also smiling so widely that his dimple showing. He kissed Taeyong’s palm and pressed it against his cheek. He closed his eyes, memorizing the feels of Taeyong's steadily warming hands, letting the sensation of Taeyong’s touch to engraved into his skin. He reopened them as more tears pooled up on his eyes.

They were staring into each other for what it feels like forever; like the both of them were unable to believe that this is reality, they both tried to convince themselves.

Taeyong felt happiness, longing, confusion, relief, and disbelief at the same time.

Jaehyun felt like his world start spinning _once again_.

That gap of time allowed Taeyong's brain to re-function again.

“H-how long..” he trailed off, unsure how to ask the question. But the younger understood as he answered without waiting for Taeyong to finish the question.

“You’ve been asleep for 5 days, hyung. Almost six- actually” Jaehyun answered while checking his watch, it was 10 at night.

_5 days_

Taeyong closed his eyes, letting the information sinks in. He remembered all the things that happened to him. As he remembering those, his wound probably thinks that it was the right time to greet its owner, sending a sharp pain, making the idol yelped a little. He was high on drugs, but the pain managed to overdrive it.

Jaehyun immediately got on his feet after hearing the soft noise, ready to storm out of the room to call the nurses, “Hyung are you okay? Do I need to call for-“

He was halted by a weak tug on his sleeve.

Taeyong was breathing heavily as if doing the simple act requires so much energy. “No… Just- Stay, please…”

Jaehyun didn’t need to be told twice. As soon as the _plea? order?_ left the leader's mouth, Jaehyun sit back down right away, not wanting to upset the freshly-awake man.

“How’s the… intruder...?” he timidly asked. Taeyong could feel bile moving up to his throat, and he used all his will-power to force them down. Not because there’s nothing on his stomach that can be thrown out other than gastric acid, but because he needed to hear the answer, and throwing up all over his bed surely will not answering his question.

“They caught him, hyung. He’s not getting out the prison for a long time. You’re safe.”

That sounds relieving.

“The other…”

“They are all safe hyung. The dorm was cleaned, the door was replaced, they added new lock and alarm too.”

“I see… that's great.”

A silence hung between them.

Jaehyun didn’t like them a bit. But Taeyong was intently staring into his eyes, those gleaming orbs boring into his soul. So, Jaehyun let the silence lingered, savoring the tender gaze of the elder.

Taeyong then moved his hands toward Jaehyun's face again, this time he was strong enough to do that without Jaehyun's help.

“You have been crying…” Taeyong softly said as he brushed his thumb weakly against the dried tears. It was like getting brushed off by a feather; so soft, barely-there but you can _feel it_ up to your toes. The act made his emotion peaked up once again, and new tears formed on his eyes.

“Jaehyun, don't cry…”

Taeyong brushed off the new tears away. His hand is so weak and he can barely move it, but the sight of a crying Jaehyun stirred something inside him and Taeyong risked it all; he didn’t like seeing Jaehyun sad.

“C’mere…” Taeyong called.

The invitation pulled him like a siren's call pulled a lost sailor, but Jaehyun didn’t mind. He was already at the point that he will gladly let Taeyong _consume_ his soul. _as if he didn’t already_. He dropped his head, forehead resting on the soft bed, just beside Taeyong's pillow. He continued his crying, with Taeyong absent-mindedly stroking his hair _._

“I miss you hyung, I miss you so bad…”

“I miss you too, Jaehyun-ah… I miss you too..”

And Taeyong didn’t lie when he said that.

_He missed Jaehyun._

_He missed his members._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY OKAY, I SAID THAT I FEEL BAD FOR MAKING JAEHYUN SAD BUT HERE I AM HURTING HIM MORE.
> 
> In my defense, my heart ached for Jaehyun all throughout the making of this chapter. 😭😭😭 The way he compared himself to the others... I don't know why but it just slipped into my mind. 
> 
> And yes, only Jaehyun has romantic feeling toward Taeyong, the rest of the member's are platonic.
> 
> But at least he was the first person Taeyong sees when he wakes up, I owe him that at least (〒﹏〒)
> 
> \- - - - -
> 
> Edit :
> 
> I'VE BEEN A CLOWN, RIGHT AFTER THIS STORY FINISHED SUDDENLY OUR LOVELY JAEYONG BEING ALL CLINGY AND TOUCHY ON (and ofc off) CAMERA. THEY MADE ME LOOK STUPID FOR WRITING THIS 🤡 but I'm not joking the jaeyong drought last year (and early this year) was really bad we're literally gathering crumbs everywhere


	7. Chapter 7 - The Cloudy Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cloudy sky lingers longer than the storm itself, glooming over the sky, enveloping the world in a dark veil.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Taeyong came to understand that the incident didn’t only scarred him, but his friends also.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm backkkk~ phew this chapter really did a lot to me (´-﹏-`；) but I've managed to finish it!!! Really sucks when the story already progressed so far then suddenly boom you got writer-block and you just stuck at one point on the story. It will make you go  
> (╯ರ ~ ರ)╯︵ ┻━┻

Taeyong woke up the next morning to seven pairs of eyes staring at him in disbelief. Jaehyun apparently sent the great news to the members before he fell asleep. The said man was sleeping soundly, arms cradling his head in the same position as he was the night before, beside Taeyong's head. There was still the trail of dried tears on his cheek, but he was smiling.

"Lovely morning, yeah?" Taeyong asked, his voice came out raspy and hoarse, the air scratching his dry throat painfully, but the seven men beamed up immediately upon hearing his voice, jolting awake the sleeping Jaehyun. They were so happy that a nurse had to come inside and remind them not to be so loud. Taeyong, ever-the-leader, apologized on behalf of his kids even when he was the one laying on the hospital bed.

It's uncomfortable to talk to the boys while lying down, so he asked his members to help him sit up. The wound throbbed at the strain as he tried to pull his weight up, but it's something Taeyong could endure. He smiled sheepishly when he succeeds at doing the mundane things.

"We're so worried, Hyung..." Mark said, sniffed a bit as if the boy was trying hard not to cry. Beside him was Haechan, fully ignoring his idol image, crying his heart out. Taeyong pulled the maknae into his arms to calm him down.

"Sorry for making you guys worried... I'm okay, see?" Taeyong proclaimed, raising his brow to emphasize the statement. That earned a soft laugh from the older members but not the youngest, as Haechan sobbed heavily again, hands tight around the leader.

"Y-you were bleeding so much h-hyung... The b-blood was everywhere... D-don't ever do that to me again, Hyung..." Haechan brokenly wailed, burying his head into the crook of Taeyong's neck.

"Oh Haechannie, I'm sorry you have to see that..." Taeyong cooed, ruffling the fluffy hair of the youngest. He never expected that the one who found him will be Haechan. He felt bad, if he knew the teenager would be the one who first saw him bleeding and probably _dying_ , he should have fought back harder to at least not getting stabbed on the stomach.

 _Oh well_.

"Damn right, yong... Don't ever pull that on us again." Yuta said, voice trembling. Taeyong apologetically looked at his friend, sending a reassurance gaze that said _‘I’m okay’_ with the hope of appeasing his worry. 

"Sorry...” Taeyong said again, he can only apologize, hands still busy rubbing circle on Haechan’s back. The youngest had stopped crying minutes ago but chose to remain at his spot inside Taeyong’s lithe arms.

They talked for a while. Mostly Taeyong catching up with the current circumstances since he was out for 6 days now. When Taeyong talked about how he felt sorry for delaying their repackage album, he got a fiery glare from all eight members.

“Really Yong? You just wake up from a 5 days coma and the only things you're worried about is the delayed comeback? I can’t believe you.” Taeil sighed exasperatedly.

“It’s not the only thing…. It’s _one_ of the things I’m worried about right now…” Taeyong replied, which earned another sigh from the oldest member. Taeil couldn’t believe that Taeyong had just _clarified_ his thought, which didn’t help anything at all.

“Dude, just call the nurse and asked them to increase the dosage of the sedative of this workaholic,” Johnny said and Doyoung jokingly nodded before standing up and mockingly pretended to carry out the suggestion.

“Hey-!”

They laughed. They talked. They were all looked happy, if not a little tired, but happy nonetheless. Because at that moment, they savored the simple blessing the universe gave them. They came to appreciate small happiness like this since they were already faced with the frightening unknown possibilities. Had they ever thought this tragedy would happen? No, not at all.

After chatting more for around 45 minutes, someone cleared his throat. It was Manager Youngjae,

"Okay boys, this is great and all, but Taeyong needs his rest right now. So, _out_." Manager Youngjae firmly said, gesturing to the door. They all whined but complied nonetheless when Taeyong yawned, starting to get drowsy. He didn't expect a simple task like talking will be so tiring, that, and the addition of various drugs running inside his vein. They all bid him farewell and promised him they will be there when Taeyong wakes up again tomorrow. Taeyong smiled at the promise.

Manager Insoon then helped him lying back on his bed, saying “You gave me quite a heart attack, you know that? I believe I told you guys to ‘ _try to stay alive until I’ve returned_?’ never thought you will be the one who broke that promise, yong.”

Taeyong chuckled, “Sorry, Hyung…” he didn't care that he already said 'sorry' for an umpteenth time just in the span of a few hours.

“I’m just thankful that you're okay… Oh right, the police want your statement tomorrow, can you do it?” the manager said as he tugged the blanket up into Taeyong’s chin.

The leader mumbled sleepily, “…I think I will manage....”

“Okay, I will contact them after this. Just take it easy, okay?” the manager smiled at the effortless cuteness the idol just oozed out.

“Hmm…” Taeyong drowsily answered. His eyes were so heavy he could fall asleep at any time now.

Taeyong barely heard a soft _‘Get rest for now, yong.’_ before he yielded to the darkness.

* * *

The next day, Taeyong met with the police as planned to give his statement regarding the case. His attacker’s trial was due in 2 days. Because of his recovery-state, the hospital didn’t allow him to be present in person, but Taeyong honestly doesn't want to be present at the trial even when his body was able to. The police said that since the man was clearly having mental issues, the highest possibility is for him to get thrown into a mental hospital and spent the rest of his life there.

Taeyong didn’t feel bad when he heard that.

The police asked him some common, ordinary questions regarding the attack; _when the man broke in, how the man possibly broke in,_ and things like that. Taeyong answered them accordingly to his memory; he told them the exact occurrence from his point of view. It was easy and all, but then the police asked if the man was his stalker or anti-fans,

Taeyong froze.

The idol carefully controlled his emotion, giving the officers a stoic, blank expression. He knew the question will come. He was _prepared._ In a mere seconds span between the question being asked until Taeyong opened his mouth to answer, his mind got thrown into chaos.

If he says that, _yes_ , the man is his sasaeng, they will try to dig deeper into it.

They will know the messages. They will know all the stalking. They will know his suffering for _months_.

Is it bad? _No_.

But that also means they will know about what the man _tried to do_.

Is it bad? _Yes._

Because if they know, then the media will know about it too.

_Everyone will know._

And Taeyong afraid he didn’t have the courage to admit it.

He’s a coward and he knows it, but the thought of the whole world knowing that he almost _got sexually assault by another man_ is beyond scary. He didn’t think he could survive the humiliation and the shame it will bring him _and his team_. Not to mention it will add more ammunition for his haters to attack him. He fought back, okay, but the fact that his attacker _still_ able to overpower him also hurt his pride a little. He will not be surprised if there will be hate comments calling him _‘weak’_ and ‘ _pathetic’_ in the future.

Taeyong didn’t think he will be able to handle it.

So he didn’t tell them.

He didn’t lie, per se. He only didn’t tell them all the truth.

He said, ‘ _I don’t know who that man was’_

‘ _No, I don’t think I ever got in contact with him’_

and also _‘I don’t know why he broke into our dorm, but I can say that he flees because he heard my teammates were coming.’_

All of his answers are technically correct, he just didn't _add details_ on them.

Taeyong is an idol, foremost. Schooling his expression is a thing he mastered to handle the media, especially since he’s the leader of his group which also has the role to be the speaker of the group. And he did a really good job answering the police’s question, if he could say, since the officers then nodded, accepting his answer and left. It also seems like his statement didn’t contradict with whatever his teammates confessed, _so an additional point for him_ , then.

That's why when the next day he saw the news saying that the man was indeed trying to rob his dorm, not a sasaeng or anti-fans since there’s no evidence of him to be one, and he got a lifetime inside a mental asylum, Taeyong had perplexed feelings.

He expected happiness, relief, _anything_.

He didn’t expect to feel _ashamed_.

* * *

Taeyong was discharged from the hospital 2 weeks later.

The hospital declared him healthy enough to return to his everyday life. The pain from his wound already subsided to a mere dull throb, and he didn’t feel nauseous and dizzy for three days in a row now, which the doctor said that it was a good sign that he was healing.

The members were there when he was discharged, all smile and happy.

And Taeyong was happy too.

But it felt kinda weird for the blonde idol to stepped inside his dorm again. Mark had offered to change room with him, which Taeyong refused. The other member also coaxed him to stay in the 10th-floor dorm, but again, Taeyong refused. He knew where all this coming from, the members must have thought that he will probably have some kind of trauma returning back to the place where he got attacked, and even though Taeyong feared that could be possible, he refused to succumb to the fear.

Surprisingly, when he got inside the dorm, he felt neutral. No fear, no panic attack, _nothing._

The dorm was cleaned and everything is where it was supposed to be. No trace of _that day_ lingered in the room.

He turned his body to face his friends who were anxiously tailing behind him. The smile he gave them was enough to lift some weight on their shoulder, apparently.

_The smile felt weird on Taeyong's lips._

* * *

Recovery was slow _._ They were all fully aware of that. It’s a deliberate procedure that needs extra patience and care.

Taeyong was doing okay. He was prohibited from doing any heavy activities - _that’s included dancing, of course_ \- but he was doing okay.

The member was also healing.

Taeyong came to understand that the incident didn’t only scar him, but his friends also. He was fully cognizant of the fact when he witnessed them all with his own eyes during the rest of the weeks after his dischargement.

Johnny was so restless in the first week, he refused to leave Taeyong alone. He mostly keeps it subtle, but the tall man adamantly following Taeyong _everywhere_. He followed Taeyong to the studio, he accompanied Taeyong when he went to buy snacks, he even followed Taeyong to the hospital when the leader needs to get his stitches removed. Taeyong didn’t mind the company, but he _did_ feel weirded out when his friend went as far as waiting outside the bathroom while Taeyong was minding his business, _and_ with various poor excuses for doing so.

Haechan had nightmares. One time the youngest had a really bad one; he was crying so hard, frantically searching for Taeyong inside his dream. The leader came hurriedly when he heard the commotion. Johnny - _Haechan’s roommate-_ and Taeyong had quite a hard time to wake the youngest up, and even when the maknae was finally awake, Taeyong had to reassure him that he’s okay. Taeyong even had to hug the crying maknae close to his heart, letting the boy hear his heartbeat that signifies that he’s indeed well and _alive_ because Haechan kept screaming that _he was dead_.

Doyoung once freaked out when Taeyong was wearing a red shirt. He chose to wear the said clothes because he thought that it’ll go well with his khaki trouser, but when he presented the outfit to the vocalist to ask for his opinion, all color suddenly drained from the younger’s face. Taeyong had to be careful of wearing any clothes in that hue for a while. But thankfully, after a couple of days, Doyoung didn’t seem to mind when Taeyong emerged from his room wearing a red tee.

Yuta had anger issues. He will snap at anything and anyone that causes Taeyong discomfort. Taeyong once had to restrain him from punching a man who accidentally bumped into his right side during rush hour in Starbuck when he was queueing up on the cashier, causing the leader to yelped in pain as the impact sent sharp pain from his healing wound. Thank God no paparazzi or fans or cameras were witnessing that, It would surely issue a scandal.

Mark looked more stressed than before, the young rapper locked himself in his room more frequently than before, a clear trait of his when the Canadian boy was feeling stressed.

Jungwoo talked less than before, he didn't smile as much as before too. It's really weird sometimes inside the dorm when the tall vocalist was very quiet.

Taeil looked more tired than before, the eldest had been trying his best to fill up Taeyong's position during his absence, apparently. And to say that Taeyong felt bad that the older man had to go through all the shit inside the company is really an understatement. Luckily, Johnny was there to help him with some of the burdens.

And Jaehyun-

Dear Lord, _Jaehyun_.

The man was doing the worse out of the members. Each one of them had their episodes, _yes_ , but they mostly overcome it during the next week. Johnny and Yuta were still jagged in edges, but at least they were improving.

But Jaehyun-

Taeyong didn’t know what to say. It’s really difficult with Jaehyun since Taeyong couldn’t even _see_ what’s troubling him. The other members were having an obvious, visible concern that Taeyong can help them overcome it.

But it’s not the case at all for Jaehyun. He didn’t have an episode nor did he freak out at anything Taeyong do.

But he looked so _miserable._

He looked like he’s hurting so much each day passes to the point he became numb with it. He didn’t say anything, _he didn’t express anything._ He always smiling whenever Taeyong was present, but when he thought that Taeyong wasn't looking, his shoulder will sag down, form hunched over and he will release a tired sigh, hands massaging his temple in frustration. He looks so troubled, so anxious, so _distressed_.

Taeyong was worried about him.

But one thing that’s common of being an NCT member is being stubborn; a trait everybody under the big name of NCT has. And Jaehyun was very adamant of preserving the title of being a member of NCT, he was awfully _unyielding_. The younger brushed him off every time Taeyong tried to at least asked him if he was okay.

On the other side, Jaehyun was actively trying to always be there at Taeyong’s side, when Taeyong was having a sudden migraine and dizziness from his past concussion, Jaehyun was there at his side, his medicine prescription ready at hand. When Taeyong limped a little when the pain on his hip acted out, Jaehyun was there, attentively helping him all the way to his destination. The younger also spend more time in the 5th dorm rather than his own dorm, he helped Doyoung and Johnny taking care of him, to the point he even begged Haechan to switch room with him for a couple of days.

It’s really sweet of him to do that, but that also actually means that Taeyong was able to look up closer to the younger man. And Taeyong didn’t like seeing the agony and pain that always presents on Jaehyun’s face whenever he helped him.

The smile Jaehyun gave him was genuine, but the pain on his eyes _was also very real_.

* * *

People say that the more you suffer, the more you learn. 

Taeyong was suffering internally watching Jaehyun beat himself up for a reason Taeyong still didn't know until now. He thought that he will give it time, _give him time_ , with the hope of learning what's troubling the young vocalist, _learning_ more.

But Taeyong decided he will not learn anymore. _He had enough._

His patience had run dry, leaving it empty. He wants to end the feigned tranquillity.

Taeyong knows that he should be the one who opens up first if he wants the other to start talking too. So, he called for the younger to meet him in his room. Jaehyun entered his room with a tired smile and a soft “ _Is something wrong, Hyung?”_

Always prioritizing him. _Yes, something is wrong, It's you,_ Taeyong wanted to scream.

He was sitting on his bed, he then patted the available space beside him, signaling the younger to sit beside him. Jaehyun obliged, face innocently confused.

They are seated in a rather uncomfortable silence - _at least it was uncomfortable for Jaehyun-_ before the leader spoke up, “Jaehyun-ah there is something I want to tell you about.”

“What is it, hyung?”

Taeyong reconsidered his decision. Did he really going to tell him this? He doesn’t even share this little information to Johnny, or Doyoung, or Taeil, or _anyone_.

He was afraid to tell them. He was _ashamed_.

But somehow it feels alright to tell Jaehyun. He didn’t know why, but he knew he can trust the younger with this part of him. Jaehyun was suffering a lot because of him, at least he owes him that one.

So Taeyong took a deep breath,

“The police stated that the attacker was trying to rob our dorm, right?” he asked, not sure how to start the topic.

“Yes…? I thought that’s what you told them, hyung..”

Taeyong can see more confusion appeared on the younger’s face. _It’s cute_ , he thought, and much better than the tiredness which constantly plastering his handsome face.

Taeyong gulped down, _here we go._

“I lied.”

Taeyong didn’t know that uttering those two words will be so _hard_. The words hung heavy on his palates, forcing them out drained his strength mentally and emotionally. Even his voice sounds so foreign to his own ears.

The way Jaehyun’s eyes comically grew big and his mouth gaping wide were almost funny, but Taeyong knew the extent of the revealing he was about to do, so he didn’t laugh. He pressed his lips into a thin line.

“W-what?”

“I lied. That man wasn’t trying to rob the dorm.” Taeyong nervously explained. He was avoiding the younger’s gaze now, looking at anything inside the room but Jaehyun’s eyes. He absent-mindedly started biting on his nails; his bad habit that more than once exposed him of feeling agitated. He mentally cursed himself when he noticed the said fingernail on his lips, and he fully aware that Jaehyun noticed that too. He retracted his hand.

“T-then…”

Jaehyun didn’t finish his question. It’s a rhetorical sentence, really. Taeyong sighed again, now seeing the younger dead on his eyes,

“Jae, that guy is my stalker.” He said tiredly.

“W-what!?”

“Remember in our first comeback preparation, when I said that my number was busted? That’s him. It’s always him.”

Jaehyun was looking so bewildered now, “Then why didn’t you tell the police-“

Taeyong was silent. And Jaehyun hated this kind of silence; this kind of silence that promise you all the bad things that could happen in this world. He saw the way color drained off from the elder’s face and some _disturbing thought_ appear inside his mind.

_No._

Jaehyun _refused_ to accept the thought. He tasted dread on his mouth, it was bitter and awful.

“Tae, what did he do?” the question came out hoarsely, tension slowly slithering its way down Jaehyun’s spine.

The elder didn’t answer him.

Jaehyun, desperate, grasped both of Taeyong's hand into his, searching for his eyes. When Taeyong finally timidly looked back to him, for a brief moment, Jaehyun caught a fleeting glimpse of what looked to be panic in Taeyong's eyes. “Taeyong-hyung, please answer me- what did he do?”

“H-he… He touched me, Jae…”

Jaehyun thought he was prepared to hear that, but the fact is, he _didn’t._ That sinister thought, that evil voice inside his mind, _that venom_ , had whispered him this possible occurrence, _countless times,_ appearing one, two times in his daily nightmare, so Jaehyun thought he was mentally prepared for it if, _by any chance_ , it turns out to be true. But the second after those series of words leave the leader's mouth, Jaehyun's brain is reduced back into its staggered state.

“He- He pinned me down- and I couldn’t fight him…”

Jaehyun couldn’t breathe.

“H-he almost… He a-almost-“ Taeyong stuttered, breath hitching. Jaehyun didn’t need to hear the rest of the explanation, _he didn't want to,_ not with the way Taeyong started to falls apart in front of him. He was quick to pull the elder into a hug.

“Shuush, Yong, calm down. It’s okay, you didn’t have to force yourself telling me this.” Jaehyun didn’t have time to feel proud that Taeyong was opening up to him - _not now_ , _he thought-_ the most important thing to do was to calm the leader down.

“I-I feel so dirty- h-his touch lingers… even when I t-tried to wash them away-”

Jaehyun eyes stung at the reveal. He was feeling so many emotions right now, but _anger is the strongest._ God forbid him, all he wants to do now is to storm into the mental hospital and strangle the life out of _that bastard_. He probably will bring Yuta with him, since he knows the Japanese man also harbor an unimaginable amount of hatred toward _that man_.

“I’m so sorry yong. I’m so sorry.” He said instead, suppressing the ugly emotion away. He didn't know what he's sorry for; _Sorry for not being there? Sorry, you have to experience that?_ he didn't know.

“I didn’t want any of his t-touch- it’s disgusting- I’m disgusting…”

“ _What_? No no no, Taeyong-hyung, love, look at me.” Jaehyun softly cupped the leader’s face, his eyes met with Taeyong’s teary ones. His mind intentionally ignored the fact that he just called Taeyong _‘Love’_ , and he also tried to ignore the fact that Taeyong _didn’t mind_ being called that,

Being called that by _him._

With this dangerous proximity between his and Taeyong’s face, Jaehyun had to use all of his self-control to _not just kiss the man in front of him_. He already promised himself that he will wait, he already _swore to god_ that he will wait.

So he will wait.

He's not gonna mess this up.

And also the love of his life is currently crying right now, crying over the invisible taint on his soul. The _taint_ Jaehyun wanted to erase so badly.

Taeyong had just called himself _disgusting._

Taeyong? Disgusting? Those two words didn’t go well together.

Jaehyun will not accept that.

So, Jaehyun leaned up, placed a tender kiss on Taeyong’s temple, just a soft press of lips against the skin, really. He then mouthed into the soft skin, “You are not dirty. You are not disgusting. You’re just you, my beloved, Taeyong-ie hyung. The person whom I treasured the most. You did nothing wrong, It’s all on him. Alright? Nothing is your fault.” He means every word he said.

Taeyong then pulled away, before burying his face to Jaehyun's chest. The elder was still crying, Jaehyun could see how his shoulder shook weakly each inhale the elder takes, and the younger tighten his arms around the other, bringing him as close as possible.

Taeyong shakily exhaled, his heart overwhelmed by Jaehyun's showered love.

He closed his eyes. Jaehyun was everywhere, enveloping him with warmth.

He feels safe.

_He feels like home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I'm crying with you guys for the boys


	8. Chapter 8 - The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever seen the sunshine after the storm? How the ray of light beautifully permeates the thick, grey cloud? The contrast between the two then paints an exquisite art with the sky as its canvas, soothing the heart of the terrified souls which had just experienced the horror of the dark storm.
> 
> The universe is kind on its way. 
> 
> Or
> 
> Taeyong shattered, and the other members were there to pick up his pieces and stick it back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the end notes, thank you  
> ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Jaehyun’s condition was _finally_ , slowly but steadily, improving.

The younger started to smile more, a _genuine and real_ smile, and the tiredness and misery from before gradually decreasing. The other noticed that too, they looked evidently relieved when they saw Jaehyun laughed for the first time in _weeks_ because of Mark’s clumsiness when washing the dishes. 

They were currently hurdled in the 10th-floor dining room, eating dinner together.

Since _that day_ , they started often gather up, at any possible situation, doing things together, keeping each other company, seeking the comfort and safety of _togetherness._ Besides the fact they knew very well that they were all deeply hurt emotionally by the event, the group gathering was also for a means to keep an eye on their leader.

The said leader was doing the same as before.

As the implication said, Taeyong was doing _the same as before._

He laughed, he joked, he wrote lyrics, he went to the studio to compose songs, he talked, he shopped, he even did a light dance routine when the doctor permitted him to. He still cooked (and cooking means using a knife for god’s sake), he watched cliché rom-com shows in _their freaking living room_ when Johnny, Doyoung, and Haechan avoided the place for almost _a week_ , and he didn’t even bat an eye when they passed by a huge advertising LED display screen by the road, airing _his attack_ news.

He was oddly, strangely, _ridiculously_ , the same as before.

As if the attack never happens at all.

If there’s no obvious scar on Taeyong’s pelvic and the absent-cream-rug on their living room was there instead of their new green colored one, it’s like the attack was just a gruesome nightmare the members were imagining.

It’s definitely weird.

But Taeyong was smiling. He was doing fine, _they think._

And the members grew accustomed to it.

They accepted the fabricated-reality since their traumatized mind was too afraid to dig _deeper._ They were afraid that they will overwhelm the bottle Taeyong was carefully filling. They were afraid that Taeyong will be hurting more if they interfered. That’s why the members repressed, even when they knew that something is definitely _there_ beneath all the fallacies.

What they didn’t know is that, sometimes, you didn’t realize the crack on a clear glass until it _shatters completely_.

* * *

The calamity happened one night.

It was an eerie quiet night. All the members were fast asleep in their own room. Doyoung was also doing the same, tucked under his comfy blanket in his bed. The other bed inside the vocalist’s room was empty, Manager Insoon was working overtime again, apparently, and the manager was very likely fell asleep in his office at the company building.

A rather loud _thump_ awoke Doyoung from his deep slumber.

He stared at his ceiling for a while, blinking his sleepy eyes; his desk lamp emitted warm light into his barely lit room. He proceeds to sit up, kicked his comforter aside, and rubbed the sleepiness away from his tired eyes. He looked around, trying to found the source of the noise.

He found nothing.

When Doyoung almost convinced himself that it was just his brain playing cruel tricks on him, a weak, but audible shriek can be heard and that sound itself switches the gear inside his brain once and all, because Doyoung can _recognize_ whose voice is that.

_Taeyong's._

Doyoung jolted up immediately, rushing to the leader’s single room. A dizzying amount of negative thoughts appeared almost simultaneously inside his mind as he opened the door without even bothering to knock; the wooden doorplate of the leader cluttered dangerously close to his head.

“Taeyong-hyung, what’s wro-”

He was cut short in his sentence as his eyes took the situation presented in front of him; Taeyong was on the floor, back pressed close to the big cupboard. Taeyong’s bed was a mess and from the weird state of the blanket, Doyoung can safely assume that the loud thump sound he just heard was the sound of Taeyong falling down from his bed. When Doyoung got closer to him, he can clearly see how the leader’s body was shivering like the temperature of the room was below zero.

Doyoung kneeled beside the eerily silent Taeyong, his expression well hidden beneath his long bang.

“Hyung? Is there anything wro-”

“He’s here.”

Doyoung can feel his blood went cold without him even knowing who is the _he_ that Taeyong mentioned. Just then the vocalist finally able to see the leader’s face, and what he saw literally broke his heart apart; there was only pure fear inside those once bright brown orbs. Doyong followed the elder’s gaze and his eyes met with the large window on Taeyong's room. The curtain was not closed properly; that has never happened because Doyoung knows Taeyong always closes his curtain before going to sleep. Beyond that pristine polished glass was the empty balcony, save from Taeyong’s plant collection.

The younger nervously looked back to Taeyong, and the said man was still blankly staring at the empty spot in the balcony.

“Hyung, who’s-“

“ _That man_ is here.”

Doyoung could feel his inside turned upside down as he finally understands what was happening.

Taeyong was _hallucinating_.

And judging from the way he’s shivering and sweating like crazy, Taeyong was _deep_ inside it.

“Hyung, no one is the-” Doyoung tried to bring the leader back to reality by carefully placing his hand on the other’s arm.

“ _It’s him_.” Taeyong grabs Doyoung hand like his life depending on it, but his eyes never leave the window.

“Hyung, please look at me. There is no one there-” Doyoung then tried -more forcefully this time- to make Taeyong stop looking at whatever his brain decided to show in his eyes. Nonetheless, his voice went unheard of the leader, as on his vision, _that man_ was standing just outside his room, using the same clothes from _that day_ and a manic grin plastering all-over his bloodied face.

The only thing separating _him_ and Taeyong is just a thin glass.

**_“I love you… Taeyong-ah”_ **

The realization hit the rapper like a truck.

“ _He’s here_. Oh my god-he’s here-he will touch me again-he’s going to hurt me again-“

The closed wound on his right hip throbbed painfully as if his body was _remembering_ the incident. Taeyong’s eyes darted to the said weapon on the man’s hand. It’s the same. It’s the same _knife_.

The leader by now started screaming as _the man_ walked closer to the window, placing one of his bloodied hands on the glass; a sickening trail of blood visible on the transparent material. The knife shone from his right hand, glistering under the moonlight.

**_“I love you so much… that I hate you for it”_ **

Taeyong didn’t realize that he had been clawing his arms it started to draw blood, but it didn’t sting even a bit. He can’t feel the sting. The pain from his hip overpowering any kind of pain right now.

Taeyong felt someone forcefully yanked his hands away.

Taeyong felt someone embracing him.

Taeyong screamed louder.

“-yongie, please! It’s not real- He’s not around anymore!”

On the other side, Doyoung felt 5 years of his lifespan got cut short when Taeyong suddenly start screaming and pressed his body even more to the hardwood behind him as if he wanted to be swallowed and disappear. The leader also began clawing into his own arms and Doyoung felt sudden dizziness when he spotted that Taeyong was hurting himself at how hard he was clawing at his tender flesh. His nail left a nasty red line on his pale skin.

“Wait, hyung- you’re going to hurt yourself-” Doyoung tried to pry his hand away from his arms, but that only made Taeyong’s nail to go deeper into his own arms, it started to draw blood.

He tried to call the leader’s name but at this point, the other can’t hear anything besides his fear, so Doyoung had no other choice but to use force to stop Taeyong from hurting himself any further. The harsh treatment only triggered more screams from Taeyong, and he hurriedly pulled the hysteric leader close, trying his best to block the leader from the window.

“Taeyong-hyung, please… It’s not real-“

Even when Taeyong was inside his embrace, his arms and shoulder weren’t broad enough to completely block the leader from seeing that damned empty balcony; Taeyong’s left eyes can still look at the window, and he kept screaming like the one outside the window was the satan itself.

“I’m sorry- please don’t hurt me-I’m sorry-“

“Taeyong-hyung..” Doyoung tried to tuck the leader’s head into the crook of his neck, and when he managed to do so -with difficulty from all the scream and thrashing the leader gave him- he can feel the wetness of the other’s tears soaked into his shirt and Doyoung bit his lip so hard to stop himself from crying.

“Taeyong, what happen-“ fortunately, the universe spares the both of them from more pain. Doyoung sighed in relief when he saw Johnny entered the room. The older man's eyes went wide when he took in the situation; any sleepiness instantly disappears.

Doyoung then promptly motioning the window with his head. Johnny, God bless his soul, catch on quick, literally run to the mocking window, and quickly drew the curtain shut.

The effect was immediate.

Taeyong stopped screaming right after the wine curtain blocked the dark balcony. The screaming subsided, and the next thing they know, the leader fainted; either from exhaustion or from fear _or both._ Taeyong went slacked in Doyoung’s arm, head resting on Doyoung’s chest. The soaked part on the vocalist’s shirt went unnoticed, and Doyoung then checked on the unconscious man; tears still running down his cheeks and his breath still labored, and he hugged him tighter.

Doyoung’s brain is on a mess.

He should be grateful and relieved that Taeyong’s episode stopped, but deep inside his heart, something dark and heavy clawing into his mind.

This is the first time Taeyong _ever_ had an episode regarding his attack. The leader was doing really fine these three weeks if you compare it to him and the other members. But he should’ve known that Taeyong was also breaking inside - _he was the victim after all-_ and Doyoung cursed himself of being such a _fool_ of ignoring the fact. He can sense himself about to go into a panic attack when he heard Johnny kneeled beside them.

“Doyoung-ah... you’re crying.” The Chicago man said softly.

Doyoung opened his eyes and met with the elder’s soft and understanding gaze. There’s a sad smile on Johnny's face, and Doyoung brought his attention back to the limp body on his arms. The awareness of his own tears went forgotten.

“I-I can’t do this, hyung..” He brought one trembling hand to brush the tears away from Taeyong’s closed eyes.

“It-It’s hurt, seeing him like this...” Doyoung can barely recognize his own trembling voice.

Johnny didn’t answer him right away. Instead, his large palm rest on Taeyong’s head, petting the dyed hair softly. Both of them can hear how the unconscious leader’s breath started to even out.

“I know,” was all he said.

Doyoung can hear footsteps outside the room, maybe the whole ordeal woke the other member up, but doyoung can hardly pay more attention, as he can feel himself crying even more.

“What should we do, youngho-hyung? How can we fix all of this?” Johhny grimaced at how _broken_ Doyoung’s voice is. And if johnny noticed how his real name slipped from the younger’s lips -Doyoung rarely call him by his real name unless he is really stressed out- he didn’t point it out.

“How can we fix _him_?”

That, Johnny can’t answer.

* * *

The next morning was total _chaos_.

After Doyoung regained his senses, they moved to treat the mess scars on Taeyong’s forearm.

Doyoung went to grab some disinfectant and band-aid while Johhny carefully transfers Taeyong back into his bed. Johnny frowned when the weight was passed to him; Taeyong is on the slim side from the very start, he has that healthy lean body type that sometimes got mistaken by their fans as unhealthy underweight. He had been putting more weight and muscle mass for their comeback, but now Taeyong was reduced back into his 2018’s thin and frail body, _and worse,_ the leader was way too light now.

Taeyong has poor appetite since _that day_. The doctors said that it was probably because of the concussion that led to a loss of appetite, and he would get better once he was discharged.

But the food problem continued even after he got discharged from the hospital. Even when he was still in the hospital, the nurses said that the leader refused to eat anything and when he did eat something, his stomach refused the substance and he ended up throwing up. The doctor said that it may be because digesting food put his healing intestine in strain. The only solution they could take was giving Taeyong nutrients through an IV drip.

Johnny fixed the blanket so that the thick fur completely enveloping the leader. Since Taeyong was so thin right now, his body temperature is heavily affected by his surrounding; he’s easily cold. So Johnny took an extra measurement, he grabs the air conditioner remote and set the temperature to a comfortable 24o Celsius.

Doyoung then returned with a bottle of antiseptic, some cotton, and a box of band-aids. They positioned themselves beside the unconscious leader, with Johnny slowly rolled up Taeyong’s sleeves for Doyoung to clean the claw wound. They both work in silence, even when Doyoung finished sticking the band-aid to the last wound.

Right after Johhny and Doyoung were done, a worried Haechan can be seen meekly peeking at the entrance of Taeyong’s tidy room. The maknae probably woke up due to the commotion of Johnny dashing out from their shared room. For how long the youngest stood there, Doyoung didn’t know.

He knows the three of them are the most affected with anything related to Taeyong since the three of them were there when _that disaster_ happened. Well, Jaehyun also had it the bad, but he _didn’t_ see to what extent this tragedy is. And Doyoung was forever grateful for that, he can’t imagine _how broken_ Jaehyun will be _if_ he also witnessed that nightmare.

They step out and Johnny quietly closed Taeyong’s door. Doyoung gestured a _ssh_ before Haechan can ask any question. Doyoung walked away to put the medical kit back into its place as johnny guided the maknae into their dining room; the three of them still feeling unsettled whenever they step into their living room. The spacious room was long ignored even though the room was scrubbed clean, the old carpet threw and replaced with a brand new one, not even a single trace of _that day_ can be found.

“Let’s called the other…” Doyoung tiredly said.

Johnny nodded, sending a quick message to Taeil, which he knows are probably very much awake thanks to his weird sleep cycle, to bring the rest of the members to their room. And true enough, they only had to wait in silence for around 5 minutes before they heard a soft knock on their front door.

Haechan opened the door and let a worried Yuta, Jaehyun, Mark, Taeil, and Jungwoo to enter their room.

“What happened?” Jaehyun was the one who asked as soon as they settled in the living room -Johnny, Doyoung, and Haechan were still in the dining room- the younger man was balling his fist, clenching it so hard.

“Taeyong had an episode.” Johnny dejectedly informed.

The members gasped out loud. They probably didn’t know what to do with this information. Johnny could see how Jaehyun’s face contorted into an expression that the Chicago man had a hard time to make out, it was a _dark_ expression, _anger? Worry? Empathy?_

“This never happens before,” Doyoung added, tiredly rubbing his eyelids with the back of his hand.

“…Is he having a nightmare?” Jaehyun lowly asked, hands gripping tightly on his lap.

“Worse than that. He was _seeing_ things. He kept screaming that _that bastard_ was here, and he was hurting himself. It was really bad.” Doyoung explained. The main vocalist shivered, the event was so fresh in his memory. He noticed that Jaehyun bit his lips so hard when he heard the answer.

“But why-? He never has them, right….?” Mark asked anxiously, his fingers rapidly tapping on his knee.

Johnny shook his head, “It just us _thinking_ it never happens. It can be that this already happening for a while-”

“He needs help.”

The members turned their heads at Doyoung’s remark, looking at the black-haired man as if he grew a second head. They looked so vexed as if the vocalist just insult their parents sequentially. Doyoung sighed again,

“This, this can’t continue. You all know that, right?”

They were silent for a while, considering what he just said. Johnny gulped down, “Well yes, but-“

“We need to admit the fact that we can’t help him at this point, he needs professional help.”

Doyoung knew he was being too harsh, too crude, _too straightforward_. His words slapped at the members like a splash of cold water. He just blatantly said that they are _not enough_ to help the leader. And the sad fact is; he’s right. But a part of them didn’t want to admit their inadequacy.

“…Is this really necessary, though? I’m scared that we are overstepping a line here…” Mark, ever the overthinker one, nervously asked. The pace of his finger tapping increase along with his nervousness.

“Not to mention if we’re doing this, we also have to inform the agency too… and you can only pray to god that no hell gate open loose,” Jungwoo added, his hand fidgeting with the trail string of his sleep sweater. The young man was reminded at how _nerve-racking_ it was when informing the agency about his anxiety attack, he was so scared he didn’t dare to check the internet because he was sure it will be full of his articles, and it will not help his recovery at all.

“it’s really depressing that here, in Korea, getting help for mental health was getting frowned upon,” Mark said, unhappy with the sad fact he just said. Their seniors already told them that even when the agency will help you regarding your mental health issues, it will not be the same with the netizens, the people, _the society_ itself, and Mark still unable to comprehend _what so wrong with asking help for mental problem._

“But this has to be done… look, We can’t keep this up.” Doyoung by now, looking _so tired_ with everything. He looked like he was trying his best not to cry.

“I agree with Doyoung, but that also means that someone needs to deliver this to him.” Someone _finally_ agreeing with him, Taeil was sitting on the armchair, expression serious. The elder’s statement made total sense; even if they all agree with the idea, _someone_ has to say that to the leader.

“You know that frontal communication isn’t our team best forte, yeah?” Yuta, who was silent all this time, spoke up for the first time since entering the room.

“True, but we can at least try…”

Yuta snapped at that, he clicked his tongue out loud. The Japanese man was having trouble controlling his anger, he knew it’s not Doyoung, or Taeil, or _anyone_ ’s fault. He just _angry_ , “and _what_? You want one of us to come to him and say Hey Taeyong, this will sound really weird and uncomfortable to you, but let’s-“

“ _-get help, yeah?”_

A soft voice cut his sentences, and the sound itself extinguish any anger inside Yuta’s brain, leaving him speechless. The members _then_ realize that the voice was not one of theirs, their eyes turned wild as their heads snapped toward the source of the new voice.

Taeyong was standing on the hallway, a plain white cardigan slumped on his thin shoulder. The leader was smiling, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes; it was a _sad_ smile.

“T-Taeyong-hyung…” Haechan stuttered, horrified.

The said man then walked closer, limping a little, and plopped down on a vacant seat beside a bewildered-looking Mark.

“You guys didn’t invite me to a night talk? I’m hurt.” The leader said light-heartily as if he wants to ease up the tension in the room. But his members were still dumbfounded, looking at him like they didn’t believe that he was there sitting with them.

“This is… not a night talk...” Mark was the one who answered him. The young rapper’s eye then quickly darted to Doyoung, asking help for an explanation. The young vocalist shrugged his shoulder in panic, eyes moving toward Taeil, and Johnny, who were both _not so secretly_ shook their head.

Taeyong sighed, his boys were _indeed_ very oblivious if they think that Taeyong didn’t notice any of that. “You guys don’t have to hide it; I heard you guys.”

“Hyung-“

“Tae-“

“And it’s okay.” Taeyong interrupted without letting them finish their sentences, his left hand playing with the band-aid on his right forearm, he didn't know where he got all those scars, but he knows it probably had to do with his previous nightmare.

“- _What_?” they said the word in unison, their combined voices echoed inside the spacious room.

“I’m saying that it’s okay. I am also aware that at this point, I will need professional help, sooner or later. I’m actually thinking of getting one a long time ago.” Taeyong admitted, stopped fiddling with the band-aid, then leaned back toward the soft cushion. He closed his eyes, feeling mild migraine forming on his head because of his fresh nightmare. He felt movement on his left.

“Hyung, you are not-“

“No. I’m serious, Mark.” Taeyong opened his eyes, look toward his left to meet with mark’s worried gaze. Even when the Canadian man was awkward with words and has trouble expressing his thought through action, his eyes are _honest_ ; his eyes are like an open book, clearly showing vast emotion through those dark brown orbs of his.

“I’m serious,” he said again, “I’ll be honest with you guys; I’ve been having those nightmares for a while, now.”

“I keep hearing him. I keep seeing him whenever I tried to close my eyes,” Taeyong then met Jaehyun’s eyes, saw _fear_ and worry inside them, “but usually they are only a blur, barely visible and barely audible, I dealt with them no problem, but today was shockingly the worst out of all,”

he turned his face toward his three dormmates, “I’m sorry you three have to witness that.” Doyoung’s eyes watered, Johhny fidgeted, and Haechan averted his gaze. Doyoung blinked his eyes, expression turning firm,

“No- don’t apologize for something you can’t control.”

 _Something I can’t control, huh?_ Taeyong thought to himself, before speaking “… maybe. But maybe I could somehow control it…” he trailed off, not finishing his statement. He was dangerously close of blaming himself again when a voice pulled him back,

“Hyung, please… It’s not your fault. _Nothing_ is your fault.” It was Haechan’s honey voice who brought him back. Taeyong looked at the youngest, face unreadable.

“Tae. You know that all of us are here for you, right?” Johnny added, moving closer to where Taeyong was seated, now the taller man was sitting on the carpet just beside Taeyong’s right foot. His big hand clasped around Taeyong’s knees, squeezed them lightly.

“We’re here. We’re always here.” That was Taeil’s voice.

“Please, hyung… if you ever feel troubled by something, please, please tell us…” Taeyong’s attention got pulled back to Mark’s gaze, like an iron filing got pulled by a magnet, creating an abstract paint of magnetic field.

Taeyong got lost inside it.

His hearing hampered. The voice all around him suddenly got toned down, reduced to barely audible noises on his mind.

“we will try our best to help you, maybe not so much, but we will try…” That was Jungwoo’s voice, _right?_ that soft and tiny voice was unmistakably Jungwoo’s.

“you don’t have to bear all the burden, yong… we will gladly carry them for you.” That was Yuta’s voice, it was a bit raspy, but Taeyong recognizes it.

“We’re a team, right?”

_That was Jaehyun’s voice._

The ringing on his ears decreased.

Taeyong was feeling cold when he stepped out of his room, but now he was _warm._ The warmth crept up from his stomach, curling up toward his chest and spreading down into his toenails. The intensity of his member’s _plea_ was making Taeyong’s shook with overwhelming emotion.

He didn’t realize he’s crying, one crystal bead of tears drop dramatically from his eyes.

The members seemingly didn’t anticipate this reaction, as he can see panic bubbling up inside Johhny’s honey brown eyes.

“Oh god- no no no don’t cry yongie- did we say something wro-“

But the sentence got cut off by a soft, weak chuckle from the leader.

“You guys realize that a couple minutes ago you said that ‘ _frontal communication isn’t our team best forte’_ hmm?”

Taeyong sniffed, then sigh dreamily.

“What did I do in my previous life to deserve you guys…” Taeyong asked, more to himself, because sometimes the leader feels like he didn’t deserve the boys. He thought himself as a burden, a hindrance, holding them back, with all his scandals and rumors and _everything_ he did. His question surprised the members, they looked so offended by the said question.

“I think it’ll be more correct if I say: what did _we_ do in our previous life to deserve a precious leader like you, yong-ah…” Taeil answered him, his smile so so sweet.

“I say that I saved a country from a monster attack.” Haechan abruptly said, destroying the sentimental turn of event.

Mark gasped at his friend’s remark, eyes gleaming with interest. “Does that means _we_ saved a country from a monster attack? Were we a superhero team like avengers then?”

Jungwoo tuned in into the maknae’s wavelength. “Cool. I want to be the cap-“

“ _Boys.”_

Mark, Jungwoo, and Haechan immediately shut up, embarrassed by their impulsive reaction. They timidly smiled to Johnny, who was looking _so not_ impressed with their behavior.

Taeyong chuckled. “Be easy on them Johnny, it’s past their bedtimes Afterall…”

That earned a laugh from all of them.

“So, what’s the conclusion of today's impromptu night meeting, secretary, Doyoung-ssi, if you mind?”

“We will fix this. Together. Right, Taeyong-hyung?”

“Absolutely.” Taeyong didn’t miss a beat. Right after he said that his eyes met with Jaehyun’s burning one.

Jaehyun was looking him dead into his eyes, trying to unfold the complicated emotion inside him. He whispered the question, but loud enough for all of them to hear,

“As a team?”

The question was so simple, and the answer was much _simpler_ , but they all know the real _depth_ of the answer. The real meaning. The _promises_.

Taeyong smiled.

_“As a team.”_

Yeah, recovery was slow.

But they are recovering together,

And they are strong, _each in their purpose_ , and they are all stronger together.

So Taeyong thought to himself,

_Everything will be okay._

* * *

_~ End ~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, this story has officially completed!!  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
> 
> I want to thank you guys who had been supporting me and "Unknown Number" from the very beginning. No matter in which chapter you stumbled upon this fic, I want to sincerely thank you guys from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> Thank you for all of you who had been talking to me throughout the making of this story also, you don't know how much I appreciate all the comments you left for me. Please continue talking to me, but I don't know how frequent I will check this story, but don't be afraid to leave more questions, more comments down below!
> 
> I will be completely honest, I don't know if I ever make a sequel for this story (because this story is canon compliant from the latest NCT 127 era) and I also don't know if I will make another story, I do have some ideas, but all of them are still a rough idea that will take so much time for me to make it real. So, no promise there ;-)
> 
> I want to say so much more but I can't summarize it up to 5000 characters limit from ao3 so I will make this quick lmao. Again, thank you so much... Please continue showing "Unknown Number" support, recommend this to your friends, I don't mind you share this on media social, but don't forget to credit me :(( raise the awareness of the world that sasaeng is hella dangerous and scary, because I'm not only making this story just for entertainment, this is a story full of moral values and sad hidden realities of our world, which I tried to convey through Kpop. My series of words will not cover everything, but at least it will bring you a glimpse of it (mental health, cyberbullying, rumors, malice comments, etc.)
> 
> Annddd that's it. It's really nice meeting you guys here. Don't forget to stay happy and healthy, everyone!!
> 
> Yours truly, author-nim ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are greatly welcomed!!  
> \- - - - -   
> "Unknown Number" now has [wattpad version! ](https://my.w.tt/LY4Yt0bt87)


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